CALMLY WE WALK THIS APRIL'S DAY

An adaptation of Delmore Schwartz' poem of the same title

Calmly we walk through this April's day,
Metropolitan poetry here and there.
On the road walk pauper and renter,
The laughing children, the motorcycle
Fugitives about us, running away.
Between the worker and the millionaire
Number provides all distances.
The clock ticks endlessly
What will become of you and me
Besides the photo and the memory?
What am I now that I was then?
This is the school in which we learn,
That time is the fire in which we burn.
The great globe reels in the solar fire
Each minute bursts in the burning room.
What is the self amid this blaze?
Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn.

Written by 'durotimi
Delmore's version is worthy to be read.
Thank you for reading.

The truth is...

We all are broken people; we shouldn't hide from that fact. Acknowledgement is the first step in the journey to wholeness. If we must have health and deliverance from the cancers that ravage us, we must play our parts. Most of the things that happen to us we have no choice over but, we can determine the remainder; our reactions. The response to a matter affects the extent of its hold on us. Now I'm not saying that I have all the answers. I'm just saying...
Health and wholeness is not that far away but do you really want to get well?  Many have stayed so long in the victim zone that they don't want to leave!
Now, now, before I veer so far off course. Help is available - always available. There is definitely a way out of every situation no matter how ugly it is.
So you got born again but still have the desire to do some ungodly stuff. Getting saved might not remove those urges. Sometimes salvation changes everything in a man's life just like that *snap* but not always. You prayed to God to save you from the habits that threaten to destroy you but nothing happened. Wait up. God works miracles; the why and how remain unknown to us and his not answering does not mean he is mean or less powerful. Miracles, not magic. They require a bit of "work". Believing and taking steps are the minimum requirements. One person's faith may not be enough to birth a miracle so you gotta get help! Now this is where I'm going.
Sometimes the supernatural does not occur in the way we expect it to. Physical remedies could be the help needed to take care of these anomalies (as referenced in This is reality). Life issues are meant to be tackled head on but no one man can do it all alone. Take a step, get help. Whether spiritual or medical, and have faith that good will come out of your seeking help. You need it, you don't have to fight those demons by yourself. Get some help but before you venture, say a prayer and keep hope alive by affirming the best which you desire. Get help! Stop ignoring that issue, it won't die naturally.

Written by 'durotimi
Thank you for reading.

This is reality

Is this an illness? I see some signs; these symptoms are unacceptable. In a world where "normal" reigns, this anomaly cannot take place. But it is true to me, it is real! And though I try to hide this thing, reject, renounce, rebuke - it is just not leaving me! I'm trying to make things work, live right and keep my members in line, I really am. I'm working hard so all must be just. And it should be, but why?
This wanting, pining, cravings, these desires are unnatural. That's why they can't be. What will the world think of me?! I struggle to rise above the tide of discord in my members. I refuse to be that thing! And even though I'd be lying by pretending to be perfect, I'd rather be this than that! 
Who will I tell? I've prayed but, God has not removed it from me. I expect that he'll break in and save me from this curse, wave his hand and make it disappear, just take it away but he's not showing up!
Who can I talk to? Who will help me?
I can't talk to anyone about it. I can already see the condemnation in their eyes. I anticipate their shocked reactions and I know the words they'll say. I imagine the accusations that will be levelled against me. What's worse, no one can be trusted. Very soon the world will know what I've been hiding. No! I won't talk. I need to protect myself. I will never make this known to anyone.
But I don't want to be this, thing. I can't be un-normal, improper or whatever society can term it. I've tried to put it behind me but the siege is growing, the pressure is mounting; rising high. Those desires creep into my mind and invade my thoughts and before long, I'm moved to act before I remember in a jolt that I'm not supposed to be doing it. The realisation and shock keep me still and held back. But what will happen when they are no longer enough?
Oh what dismay! How will I be cured? Is there hope for me? Should I try to exorcise these demons or should I embrace them and let it all in, damning the consequence? I already feel guilty, should I just give up resistance? This is reality.

***********************************
The above lamentation is true to many people in the world today. You know them; some of them are fighting battles too great for their souls to bear alone and many are losing. Before you ostracise someone, before you abuse or judge or condemn, pause, and ask if you might be one of them. Chances are, your story is painted with some not-so-pretty pictures.

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.

Love

Love so rugged, calming storms, strangely being.
Love so hard, gently touching, hurting, bleeding.
Love so true, pure, liberating.
Love unfailing, standing sure – God!
Only one is capable, only one is love.
You love me, especial, differently,
You keep me coming back for more.
When I stray, you still stay
How deep is your love! How vast, how great!

There are times that I feel unloving towards those who are supposed to be my loved ones. It can’t be helped; sometimes I’m unlovable myself. But when it has lasted a moment, I am reminded that his love is not like that. He’s nothing like me and his love is not like mine or yours for that matter; sometimes active, sometimes not. Far beyond comprehension or thought is his love and always, ALL WAYS flowing.

Jesus is love. There is no greater love than He. And He loves me, you, the entire world. Love loves me. Love loves you.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Jesus, thank you for loving us. Thank you that no matter what is going on in our lives, no matter what has happened in our history, no matter what others say about us, no matter how unloved we feel (or are) in this world, no matter who rejected or hurt us, we remain loved by you. Thank you because your love defines us and thank you because no one and nothing can take away your love from us. You are ever loving; help us to open our hearts to you, and to love others just as you love us. Help us to clear our minds of the tainted pictures of love we have believed and accept true love. Help us to love always in the way that matters not in the way that’s popular. Amen.

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.

Open heart

Oh yeah? 

Every time I reach out to others for want of emotional reassurance or affection, I do it afraid. I am scared for many reasons, top of which is rejection. Lack of trust, apprehension, apathy and some others make up the rest of the list. I am in need of affection but my fears hold me back, preventing me from giving and receiving it. And for this reason I do not take my friends for granted - because they can love me. Perhaps you can relate.

Letting yourself be loved is an act of terrifying vulnerability and surrender which many of us can't stand. Letting yourself be loved gives you over to someone’s mercy and leaves you trusting that they will keep loving you even though you may not have enough trust in their ability or may be unlovable at times. Letting yourself be loved leaves you hoping that they will love you rightly; the way you want to be loved and that they won’t break your given heart (as Ann Voskamp calls it). Letting yourself be loved breaks all the boundaries and barriers you set for your heart and scares the shit out of you so you do it afraid, or not at all.
Receiving love is a privilege and a great gift never to be taken for granted. If you can't step up to take it from others because of your inhibitions, you'll shortchange yourself. Learn to love others, learn to love yourself but much more than that, learn to let yourself be loved. Open up your heart.

Written by 'durotimi
Thank you for reading

About times and purpose

All the events; minor and major, that occurred in Joseph’s life were useful for another time and place. Like bricks they served as building blocks for his life and future and the resulting profile of him that we know. The same is true for David. Every turn of events ugly or beautiful had an other occurrence that was linked to it or depended on it or reminded of it. We know because we have a (complete) painting of their lives and what it looked like; past and future. There is a purpose.
When something is bound to occur we are only certain of that one thing. Most times we are not as clear about the other things that could happen and will happen or must happen for that one thing to occur. So when things veer off course, it looks and seems that the certainty has become uncertain or we take our eyes off the hope that it will occur. We get carried away by the forces of life’s curve balls that we despair or sometimes remain in bewilderment. We can’t understand the correlation between the here and there.
“Of what use is my life?” “How will I do this?” “What is the meaning and purpose of all this?”
We ask such questions, our supporters ask us questions and detractors have more than usual to say at times like these. And what is more, we begin to think that we can’t do it but we forget that ‘it’ getting done does not entirely depend on us. While our attitudes could affect its fulfilment, our actions or inactions may not. There is a reason for every season we go through, every event has a purpose. What will be will be, time happens to every man. All process is like clockwork; it never goes back. The pace may be slow but it will continue until it is done. Life unravels and unfolds with time. Stay aware of the usefulness of every thing that happens in your life. Stay aware of the timeliness and specification of your occurrences. Living (life) is a process and there is a purpose for every tick.

Written by 'durotimi
Thank you for reading. Please share with others.
Your comments or feedback are welcome.

Tomorrow?

An ode to a dead friend
Dedicated to all my friends that have died.
"You graced my life with your presence.
You touched my life and many others
with your hands and heart.
With your smile you loved,
with your words you sought.
You were a star, a burning ember.
And this space you left fills with tears."

The first time I experienced the death of someone close to me, I was 7; he was a kind old man who doubled as my grandpa though we were unrelated. I loved that dear man and up till the day that he died I never thought I would not see him again. That day I learnt about death and burial and everything the demise of a person means. It was too much for a seven year old but I took it all in and I understood it even though the adults did not think I did. Since then many other dear ones have died. Grandparents, friends, neighbours, cousins, close and not-so-close people. Each time the full import of their demise was real to me.
Now I'm not an overly expressive person but I learned early in life that nothing on earth lasts forever; no one lives forever and while they're here, I gotta appreciate them - those who matter in my life. And I learnt, early enough too, that everyone needs comfort, no matter how long ago a loved one left them. Also, based on the things that were said at each person's wake-keep or funeral or generally afterwards, I have learnt and I'm still learning that we all must be remembered for some reason whether good or bad. And what a waste of life if remembrance is rather forgotten.
We could all go at any time, and we can't have enough appreciation. So reach out and touch someone in a way that matters. Today, now for tomorrow may never be ours. Don't wait until you've had a near death experience or a death scare before you realise how transient life is. Now that you can, live and make an impact. Or what are we going to celebrate when you're gone? How many will feel your loss and for how long? Comfort someone who has felt loss, remind them that you care about them and the one they lost. Help them feel better. It's coming around.

To my friends and loved ones still alive.
Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for your touch, your warmth, your words, your smiles. Thank you for the times we've had together. Old friends, new friends, real friends, fake friends, all the ones that have colored my story on the canvas of life. I appreciate you and I am really grateful. I'm glad you're alive and well. I'm glad to have met you. May your hands be blessed and may joy fill your hearts. Thank you.
P. S. Don't wait until a special occasion to affirm your relationships. We just might not be here tomorrow. Say those words; they need them as much as you do.

Written by 'durotimi
For all who have been special to me.
Thanks for reading

WO-MAN

What makes me a woman? 

Is it the visible features of my frame identifying me as female; is it the hair, the curves, the voice? Or is it the fact that I was told by whoever cared to inform; that I'm a she, very different from a he? Is it my achievements as a woman; his ring, the kids, my role? Could it be the number of years I've spent - my age as some would say? What is it that defines me, that makes me, me and makes me a woman? Is womanhood a trophy to be attained or is it a direct consequence of being female? Is the definition of female different from (the definition of) woman or are they the same? What is this definition, what defines me? Is it the laurels that I have, the trophies and evidences of conquest or success in a world that is mainly antagonistic toward my person? Is it a one man factor that defines my womanhood? Is it my skills or my parentage? 

Is femaleness and femininity only skin deep, primarily on the surface or resonating across all organs and substance and chemistry? Is it psychedelia or intuitiveness which is popularly hyped that is proof? You tell me why I'm a woman, you explain it. What exactly is this creature called woman?

*

She is one who finds happiness in herself, for herself. No she doesn’t wait for you to define her so you don’t deter her. She’s capable of giving life to everything she imagines and she bears fruit, good fruit from whatever is given her. A female can be a piece of canvas that shows whatever is drawn or colored in amplified tones. But that doesn’t make her a caricature of grace and dignity. No, not when she knows what she’s about. But with her brash manner, looking and acting more unreal than a plastic contraption, yes!

A real woman knows that who she is, is different from what she does but her personality and sense of uniqueness show in whatever she embarks on.

Just cause she’s curvy or good to look at does not make her less intelligent. Conquest is a matter of wills not components. She can stand alone and thrive, she can change tides with her smiles, give hope with her gait and heal with her embrace. A woman makes community. Don’t you look down on her; her standing does not depend on you.

And womanhood is more than just girlishness, neither is it man-like strength. It is appreciating the limitations of our build and its gentleness. It is in silent strength that does not depreciate. Being a woman is power of a sort that cannot be compared or adequately described. 

*picture taken from clipart.com
Other pictures found on Wikipedia
Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading

MAN

Man. The very idea of him evokes thoughts of strength or its likeness, at least in the masculine sense. His existence is supposed to be of importance; so they say “It is a man’s world” but is it? If all adult male homo sapiens were exactly as defined will the earth be as it is or would things be different?
He tells me he’s a man but I say he’s not. What with his indecisiveness, lack of integrity, vision and direction. He doesn’t know who he is or what he’s about, yet because his balls have dropped he says he’s capable of ruling when he knows no reality save that which he’s thought and his thoughts are often erroneous. His actions and inactions speak loudly of his selfishness yet he says to her (a female that he fancies), “I can take care of you baby”. He can barely take proper care of himself; he doesn’t even know how to do that! His body looks good sometimes but his house is in disarray and his life is in disrepair. He needs to be informed what a real man truly is.
First, a male who knows who he is, what he has, where he’s going and recognizes the power that he has, is rightly referred to as a man, otherwise he is a boy or for the sake of his age, a guy. A man is one who sets the rules and makes things happen, not just for himself but for those around him. This one wields his influence in a trusty manner because he is accountable and knows that manhood is about responsibility. He’s in no way perfect but he puts his best into getting things done and there’s no dilly-dally or uncertainty in his pursuits and efforts (even if he is unsure). He is still learning and trying to be better, he’s original and rightly so - HE is a man.
Only such males are eligible for marriage and fatherhood (Ladies back me up on this one). And guys should try and aspire to be at least that. The world is starved of ideals, yes, but there are diamonds in the rough out there. And with time they’ll sparkle. We don’t want no machines in here, but we don’t want no fakes either.
Be brave. Man up!

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.

Free will

What is the most prized possession of any man? Male, female, old, young and all alike. What is that thing that is more valuable to the human race next to life itself? Do you know it? It is called free will.
A gift and a curse. In the heart of men. Our own undoing and the tool of salvation.
It isn’t something that was made by scientists nor an invention of modern humanity. Fight or flight was woven into our being along with the capacity to love or hate, to care or turn away, to believe or doubt. We were created with free will; the ability to choose. It is deeply woven into the very fabric of humanity that to try to exclude the possibility of the suffering and pain which the existence of free will brings and involves will be to exclude life itself. The human machine was designed to do as he chose and given a guidebook on how best to live. The fuel and food he needs has been shown to him but there's no coercion as to what he feeds himself and how he feeds. God put this instinct inside man. Evolution cannot explain it. It is little wonder that a dog cannot exhibit the flair of a human and artificial intelligence cannot beat it. We still are the best species we know of - we're different.
Despite the free will fact, no one aspires to be a cat or elephant or any other being there is. We are the best of all the creatures. The human nature; though warped and twisted in some, is good enough for us that we can't be anything else and we don't want to be anything else. Why? We love our freedom! We blame it and hate our lives for it but we still confess that we need it. This free will thing has wrecked a lot of havoc on earth and its inhabitants but it can't be done away with! It is the solution, it holds the only way out!
Imagine what life would be like if every human being did not have a right to choose. What if your free will was taken away from you? Will you still be human? What if we bought our wills with money? What if we had to kill for it? What if we have to win it or do something drastic to possess a free will? Will it still be a "free will"? How much would it cost? What if it could be lost, or stolen? Would we act better? What if our bad/evil choices got us demoted to the levels of the animal kingdom? Would our world be a better place?
We should be grateful for our right to choose and the ability to do so. It isn't a luxury and is as important as our dead-or-alive status. You are not invincible. As long as you have that thing called free will, you can easily be destroyed - and that by your very own hand or mind or wherever the will is. Use your free will wisely; it may be free but it is a gift and it costs dearly.

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.

The Gospel

How many years on earth have you? Two decades? Five, less? How much information have you retained? Do you remember the best piece of news you learnt? When did that happen? How did you learn of it? By hearing, reading, how? How did it meet you and how did you respond to the news?
The way of the cross leads home; the way of death leads to life and the way up is down. This is the gospel; it’s good news.
This good news is perhaps the most unlikely piece of news you ever heard depending on when you heard it, where and how it met you. Years have come and gone yet this news is spreading undaunted, reaching people of different classes and remaining for some, the best news ever told irrespective of the circumstances. Rather queer, isn’t it? Maybe, but what is it about this news? What is this news that is so good it has endured the times? How did it come to be?
The news is this; love is the purpose. The gospel is God reaching for you and me. The gospel is supernatural. It is not laws or methods or creed; it is love on a golden platter. It is free, it is pure, it is the most unlikely event and piece of news in history; defying logic and all forms of sensibility. That the divine desires oneness with inglorious mortality, that greatness wants to be kind and involved with us. Flabbergasting, but valid; love is the reason. Yet this is the gospel; unbelievable though it seems. All the years on earth that have been spent, could not fathom this great news and neither can you, for it remains a great mystery.
Texts abound supporting and opposing the motion of a loving Supreme God being but permit me to say that errors abound because of wrong interpretations. You must give up your prejudices to find the truth of the gospel. Until we get to that place of surrender, there's no winning or victory; just despair. And only then can we feel the hope that's held out by the gospel.
If you’re going to pitch justice or logic, you must admit that the law makes machines of people. But there's a place of buying totally into the ideals of it that living it is seamless. The law is backed by truths. If those truths drive men, laws would not be needed. And those truths came from a One who knew them without the depravity that we have known. The law is good but love is better – THIS is the Gospel.

Thanks for reading.
Written by ‘durotimi

View Him

I’ve heard of people who asked God for something very important but He didn’t oblige them. Matter of fact, I’m one of them. But I’m different from some of those people in that I remain un-offended; I did not get angry at God and spout injustice. I am not one of those idiots who make God their houseboy. God is not obligated to me or anyone else.
I also know that God is not an angry or vengeful God. He is not irrational or power hungry. He doesn’t need to prove anything and He owes no explanations. The sour fruit of fatherhood has made us view God through coloured lenses. We know tyrants who donated spermatozoa and nothing else yet call themselves fathers, forgetting that life is much more than biology. The world would be truly better without such men who encourage erroneous beliefs and cause pain and grief. Twisting and turning truth for their own use, they’ve taught us things that are hard to unlearn. It’s hard to believe that God is who He claims to be because we know men who have made ballistic claims. But God’s claims are outrageous, and rightly so. He gave us proofs. We don’t need a revalidation of His claims because it doesn’t change; He never changes.
Instead of following His patterns we carved our own ways. And not us but him, the one who leads us to error. And instead of talking back at him, we carry on conversations when we should shut him up! It is cumbersome to stay consistent when there are eye watering distractions so we lose focus. And we keep finding it hard to believe that God is who He is especially when things are in a disturbing upheaval. Like it or not, believe it or not, this is truth; God is just and there is no wickedness in Him. If it were not so we all would be in a worse off state. There’s no criteria stating who suffers or who doesn’t, who gets born white or red or black, who falls sick and who dies. We are all broken people and we need God to put us back together again. Our pieces lie flung far and wide from where we were scattered and we need God if we are to be whole again.
Forget the ills you’ve suffered, leave behind your autonomy. Reach for His lifeline, experience God for yourself. Give Him another chance. The divine is as close as your heartbeat. You can find out for yourself.

Written by ‘durotimi
Thank you for reading.

Dissatisfied with my ordinary life

Lately I've lost my peace. Loss of peace means little or no sleep, worry, almost no appetite, tiredness and high stress levels. All of that. I haven't found a way to get it back yet as the thoughts in my head have prevented my peace from returning. The cause of this is not unknown to me though it is still unclear what to do about it.
I am tired. Tired of the mundane things that mark my life at present. Is this how I'll continue? Without a concrete plan to impact my generation and no means to implement my plans? Is this how lives gradually become irrelevant in the scheme of things? Isn't this how dreams fizzle out and die avoidable deaths? Distracted from course and purpose, not content but coasting along; hungry, wanting, hoping.
I want to do things. It pinches me, oh it bothers me. I am not satisfied. I hate my ordinary life. Ordinary in the sense that I am not achieving the things I want to achieve. I'm trying but time seems to get away from me. I feel the energy coursing through me and I am restless. I've lost my peace. Is it odd that I feel like this?
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time, know there was something that I left behind. When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets, Leave something to remember, so they won't forget I was here.

Written by 'Duroti'

Selfishness

Selfishness is a major clog in the wheel of development. And this is true not just in Nigeria. The finer virtues in men are sometimes hidden by this wall. The wall of uncertainty that separates us, making us fret over what is to come and do things that are less than noble or even humane. It has stifled good intentions and in some cases, killed integrity. Indeed this thought is as factual as it could be, anywhere in the world.
Or to what may we credit the known theme of Africa to the outside world? Corruption is a dis-ease of the mind and it definitely doesn't start in the place of power. As a sickness like any other, it builds gradually, starting from a causal agent and showing symptoms and is fuelled or prevented by the prevailing conditions in the body (immunity). The society, which is mired in unaccountability in most cases, has no clout to withstand the invasion of this illness caused by the virus selfishness whose main symptom is thievery. Even though we seem to know the way forward, we can't cure ourselves of this ill - the ills of corruption caused by selfishness. Some think it's lost cause for us to be upright, some preach the next generation as if this is a new campaign. But if we can't stem it here and now, how will they do it? Others call for change and more often than not their hands aren't where their mouths are.
If true development must take place, let me put it to you that there must be a shift of mindsets. Men must see change in thought processes as the way forward and be willing to unlearn. Everything we are and do was learnt before it became peculiar to us. This is the only way to break the unending circle of failure in life and society. If we will give thought to our fellows, starting from the brothers and reaching out to the world in a bid to better all our lives, our actions won't go sour and we will succeed in building a better world for our race. It is expedient that we foster thinking and collective reasoning with lifestyles that will provoke one another to excellence. And while we're trying to fix us, we should expunge the evil that threatens to corrupt our children.

Thanks for reading
Written by 'durotimi

A Tried Girl's Harangue (Part 3)

*

Day III
[Her words are directed at you today - yes, you. She thinks she's over him but is getting philosophical. Answer her if you can.]

**********************************************
I want a god. A real life god, very human yet god-ly.
I want a king, one brave beyond mere men
Who won’t be prone to the excesses of mundaneness
Who wears his scars like a trophy or crown.
I want a god. Some think my head is in the clouds
To claim my one is a god even before he is man.

I’m a queen;
Believe it or not I am a queen
Deserving of the best in this
Reserved, at rest, in peace.
I’m a rose;
A black rose you claim but a rose
With your heart my fragrance you see
Beauty, civil, serene.
**********************************************

In love with the idea of being in love

You say you love me but I’m not sure. I thought I loved you, maybe not. But what does it mean to be in love? What does it really mean to be in love with someone? Is it synonymous to loving that one? If I am in love with the thought or idea of loving someone, if I crave it so much that it is true to me, are my feelings pseudo or phantom? I really do want to love this one, to be in love with this one and I already feel something for this one; are my feelings really for the someone, are they real? If I fall in love with someone based on a series of events or traits I witnessed, is it possible to always be in love with that person because of those reasons or is more required to stay in love? Is it possible to fall out of love with that person based on other series of events that emerge?
Feelings can be ignored, feelings can be stifled or repressed, feelings can be transformed, feelings can be channeled but do feelings ever die? What do we do about this feeling called love that spreads its stinging arrows afar and leaves broken hearts in its wake? Is it real, is it true, is it worth the pain?
Methinks the problem with this “idea” of being in love with someone is that it doesn’t allow one to see things as they really are. We project our feelings on the idea not necessarily on the reality standing in front of us. This is one girl’s perspective, what is yours?

Thank you for reading
#GirlRant (c) 'durotimi
*picture gotten from openclipart.com

A Tried Girl's Harangue (Part 2)

Day II
So beauty tried to be friends with him but before long, she found that it couldn't work. Things just could not work between them. He wants to be with her when he's hardly left the other. Closeness of opposite sexes in "just friendship" is a doorway to disaster of different types. Not only is she disappointed, she's raving mad! How dare he ask more of her! Her eyes are open and now she realises that she was headed for heartbreak unknowingly. Oh well, y'all tried to warn her, right? Sad as she is, she's reluctant to walk away entirely.

**********************************************
A letter to him: So I friend-zoned you

I want a god and you’re not him so I friend-zoned you. The pedestal that lived in my heart with your person in it stays on, though my perspective has changed and is much different now than it was when it was first installed.
Then I admired you, revered you. As one who was an icon and it was a privilege to be with and be associated to. Of course I laid things on a little bit thickly, but that was because I was dwarfed by your awesomeness or awed by your height on the standard ladder.
Later I adored you. As the friend who was worthy enough of my time and attention. Crazy as hell yeah, but, I felt secure with him. 'I'm safe', I thought, even though I knew better, "I'll stay" I said.
Revere turned to respect.
I wanted nothing but his friendship. I was scared to hope but I did it anyway. I knew the worst that could happen, or so I thought.
Still later on, the trend turned to deeper ties. And then I ran. But how could I prove that I was right. I hadn't forgotten the past and the one I was dealing with. So I stayed, and prayed, and hoped. Choosing to ignore the voice in my heart. "You gotta trust somebody", I said, "allow yourself to live a little". And I lived, enjoying every bit of the moments. Until...
I still feel deep respect. And something else.
The pain in my heart is great. The love in my heart is great. But even though I intend not to, I guess I'm just a sore loser. I wanna eat my cake and have it. It really is all about me. And so I put you where it's convenient for me. To reach you when I want. To touch you yet hold back. I can do such things. Especially since I don't know what it is to...
Yeah. What's acceptable is wreaking havoc and who the hell talked about 'normal'? *sigh*
You know, one has to let go of what he can't keep in order to get what he can't lose. Now I see the wisdom in those words. Just when I decided to be selfish, I remembered. I'm having a rethink.
Let's just go back to the beginning. For the sake of safety and sanity. We can pretend that all that has happened is water under the bridge. It seems fair enough to both parties to me since we'd both hurt and maybe regret but we've gotta take the chance. Accept my apologies, dear friend. I really am so sorry. It's not fair that you had to go through this stuff but its not entirely my fault either. Its the burden I've had to bear. Pardon me my friend, for God's sake. Life has thrown us both curve balls. 

Maybe we can start again and get it right this time. Maybe we can do things differently. Maybe, maybe, maybe. All's a hope hinged on uncertainty. Because I wanted almost something rather than nothing, I friendzoned you. And it's hurting. Both you and I. 

[What do you think is wrong with her? Is she being ambivalent or she has no clue herself? Think about her rant, what do you glean from it? Drop your comments and thoughts here and share with your friends.] 

Thanks for reading 

#GirlRant (c) 'durotimi 

*picture gotten from Pinterest 

Introducing: New post alert!

Hello dear reader, how has the year been? I hope your previously made plans are advancing in the pipeline of execution. It is with pleasure that I inform you that I've made some and am still making progress on my set goals, and one of them is to write a series this week that will be coming up one piece daily for 3 days this week, on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It is almost in line with the season (Valentine) - don't roll your eyes! It promises to be real and astonishing, please come with me and enjoy. Your thoughts and comments are welcome as usual. Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. Thank you in anticipation.
Yours truly, 'durotimi.

A Sneak Peek...
Title: A tried girl's harangue
Meet the narrator whose story is been told in this series; she’s been stung by a man – one man who meant a million and more. She’s hurt and bitter, and she wants to vent. You are the audience, the third party, the sympathizer and you’re gonna listen.

(c) 'durotimi

Christian and Unbelieving

It is possible to be a professed Christian and not believe the Bible.

How?

When Mark* says he’s following God, living right and doing the needful, he speaks truth. That’s all he thinks it is to be a Christian. His church attendance is impeccable, his morality is faultless and his good works – oh, you won’t find a better man! He looks like it; the perfect example of a Christian man; upright, godly, fine, except he’s not. He may accept the Bible – some parts of it, he may be principled with his words often in tune with his actions but only on a superficial level (just in Church), he believes some of the believable stories in the Bible and he might know what it says is right and good but that’s about all. He doesn’t really listen to sermons, don’t talk about incredible things like resurrection; movies are based on fantasies like that. Jesus is not of his nationality and times have changed. He was a prophet, great teacher and almost cool guy – leave it at that, there’s no need to emulate Christ that he can see.

Why? 

When God is a far away fixture to a man, even though he believes, his faith is derivative at best and his Christianity is situation based. He believes, yes he does, but not when his life hangs in the balance. If perchance you catch him at a bad moment, you’ll see the true stuff inside him coming out and it is far from godly. Don’t you dare offend him or he will not forgive, don’t ask him to contribute to Sunday school, Bible study or a Christian debate, he has no knowledge or revelation of his own and can’t fight for his faith. He is a Christian but is unbelieving; almost an atheist. And it is not only about the Bible, his entire belief system is fundamentally wrong.

A lot of people fall into this class for many reasons. Some have mixed religion with culture and have contorted beliefs that reflect in their living. Many think the Bible is not just relatable (probably by the version or portions they read), others say it’s not explicit enough since it doesn’t give answers like an how-to book and yet others think the stories are archaic, holding no relevance to the current day and age. And they fill our churches. On the surface they are “it” but they truly aren’t.

*Is fictional

Written by ‘durotimi

Thanks for reading.

Feeling you

Roll out the drums and do your dance, 

The arena is yours, everyone step aside. 

Ain't no one capable of stopping you,  

You smile bright, no one got your shine. 

You are the star, worthy of more than diamonds 

You are the crown, of more worth than pearls 

You are the maker, the keeper, the owner 

You are the sun, forget all sons 

You are beautiful 

You are worth it 

You are amazing 

You are strong 

And I love you, always. 

Written by 'durotimi and dedicated to Adelewa on this auspicious February 4th.

*picture gotten from Pinterest

Dreaming

I’m grateful for the ability to dream and the freedom it brings.
I’m glad that it’s at no cost to me or anyone who tries to do it.
You “CAN” imagine the strength and wealth and power that comes from dreaming. Putting the imagination to work is a really cool thing to do if you’re so inclined.
Dreaming (with my eyes open or closed, on my seat or with laid back) is a means of escape. I can run from the past or present, I can create the now I want or the future, I can do anything and everything and I determine the players. Who does what, says what, how I act, how they act, how I live. Irrespective of the known reality, a story is painted and more often than not it is favorable. Forget ability or capacity, in this realm there are no impossibilities.
As much as that sounds narcissistic, it is truth. Maybe there’s an indirect god-complex at work, maybe it’s an avenue to not live fully or maybe it is a weakness. Whatever it is, I am happy that although they tried, no one succeeded in taking away my thoughts and dreams. No one could stop me from dreaming; it’s free and it’s mine. And it can be yours too. You never can tell what will come of it. For me, a lot has been birthed by my dreaming; more than I can tell.
My imagination is fueled by sight/scenarios of life, ingested content and ideas from nowhere, it is not always unaffected by human limitations however. Whatever it is I conjure in my mind, I’m a success at it either by invention or innovation. Some of the things I’ve imagined have seen the light of day, others remain lurking in the corridors of the space they were created in, waiting to be visited.
The problem with people like me who build castles with their minds is that they are often misconstrued to be something contrary. Especially by people who can’t understand the things we talk or don’t talk about. And the comments that pass could be scathing.
Don’t stifle another’s dreams. A lot of courage is channeled to share a dream when it is had. Don’t dismiss it. The world’s heroes are people who dared to dream and chase those dreams. No matter how “foolish” it may seem, those dreams have potential and the capacity to change lives.

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.

NEUROPLASTICITY

Neuroplasticity:
“The ability of the brain to reorganize itself (functionally) throughout a lifespan due to environment, behavior, thinking and emotions.”
Basically the brain is malleable, as in liable to change. It is how we function, normally, and it is how we develop. Neuroplasticity is the process by which all permanent learning takes place. Continuously, day in, day out, the neocortex assigns pattern recognizers and makes connections. Forgive my neurology rant and permit me to make my point here. Perhaps it will spur you to do some reading and research of your own.
Functions and tasks in our ‘mind’ are organized in hierarchies, each containing steps leading to a form of nesting of several actions. In other words memories or learned events are stored in sequential order. When those memories are not accessed over time they grow dimmer. The neocortex contains patterns and their recognizers – these are what we use in learning. If we do not use the patterns that have already been assigned to something for a period of time by thinking about that thing to which it was assigned, the pattern recognizers used for that pattern will become reassigned to other patterns. And the pattern or memory will essentially be lost. We may never remember them except they were documented, possibly in writing. Writing helps us to preserve things.
Why am I talking this today? Contrary to the myth that our brains have a limit to the things that can be learnt, I want to tell you that we can keep learning and we MUST keep learning.
Try something new. Do something, anything, and document it. You’re not too old to learn. Don’t say that’s how I’ve always done it. It can be done differently – better. Learn. I challenge you! Surprise yourself by doing something else this year. Your brain can take it. Unlearn and relearn if you have to just don’t stay stuck.
Learn new ways of giving, sharing and loving; find new ways to make the world a better place. Work at making an impact and leaving a positive lasting legacy. We can change the world.
Here’s to you, for a more productive life in 2017; cheers! *applause*

Thank you for reading.
Written by ‘durotimi

GIVING

I met a young woman recently who teaches street kids (the IDP children who roam about begging and practically live on the road side). Sometimes she feeds them too and is responsible for almost all aspects of the children’s welfare (with their parents’ consent of course). She believes that’s her life’s purpose; to give to those children and others like them. Her efforts are laudable believe me, but much more than that it made me think. So much has been done and much more can be done but there’s a drag, an almost reluctance, near coercion to helping out causes such as these. Why?
Giving is not just a way to receive; it is the way to truly live. And giving is not just about money. Giving money is good but it is not enough. Giving affection is a step further. Care and concern will go a longer way than any material thing ever can. The best things men have were given and it retains that value because it isn’t unshared. Giving smiles, sharing happiness, paying visits, giving gifts (monetary and otherwise) makes life fuller. We live well by sharing. Sharing our hearts and our lives, our properties and all things dear to us. And that’s the way to leave a legacy – a true and lasting legacy. But I find that people are often afraid to open up their hearts and purses. What are we so afraid of? Why is it so hard to cultivate empathy?
Don’t say I wasn’t born that way or I can’t be chivalrous or I have nothing to give or I don’t know how. No one was born that way and even if you were, you can change! You can give; you have something that You can give. Our space and time are not entirely ours, neither is money. We never really own anything. We are merely custodians so we shouldn’t mismanage the assets we do have. Just ‘cause you can do something doesn’t mean you should do it. Is it beneficial to anyone besides you in the long run?
Christians especially should take this to heart. God gave without expectation or desire for reward. He did for it is His nature; He gives all good things over and over again. There can be no end to giving in this world even in cases of apparent lack of substance.

Thank you for reading.
Written by ‘durotimi
Kindly share this post with your friends.

God has a plan

I know a God who is unhindered by time and space. He is neither subject to chance nor limited to seasons. Aye, like the soil on which plants grow, He is a source – the source, the connecting and cohesive factor in history. And beyond that He is more.
Some find it hard to believe (that) there’s something bigger than Science with all its explanations but I don’t. The evidence of an intelligent designer at work is all too glaring and alluring for me to turn my back. Day after day, line after line of story attests to the presence of someone who transcends our lives and existence; mundane or spectacular it may be. While everything may not be directly attributed to Him, this does not dampen the fact that He holds a vital role in the play out of things. It is mostly seen in retrospect but when looked at either way, life obviously goes according to a plan. Factor in the failures, disappointments and coincidences and you will see that life is just too precise to be a result of chance. God has a plan. And His plans always work, regardless of the situation.
We make our choices, yes, but we wouldn’t be faced with those decisions if it wasn’t His choice to make. If evolution was at work, the possibilities might be nonexistent. Because He’s got you in this space and time, not the Gothic era or the Renaissance, it is proof that He had you planned for this season. This is where you are needed and can be relevant. God has a plan and that plan includes you. It includes your neighbour, your friend, your enemies, that unsavoury character and even the president. The downtimes, downturns, updrafts and times of thriving; all of life is like the weaving of a tapestry with a plan and pattern for the outcome. There’s a plan that life follows despite our decisions and peculiarities. No life is a haphazard waste; God does not test run scenarios and no one knows entirely where they fit into His plans. Seasons change depending on different factors that are themselves prone to change but one person is constant; never changing, never failing and He is in charge of times and seasons. He directs and uses time and is not unaware of changes. Even before they occur, He has it all factored into consideration. The outcome remains to be seen.

Thank you for reading. Please drop your comments or feedback. Kindly share.
Written by ‘durotimi.

Content

In every play there is a protagonist, an antagonist and a notion. Each story sells an idea directly or indirectly; in hope. Some lack knowledge but have emotion, some lack emotion but have knowledge. Some share sense, some share feelings. Like it or not the story stands to gain because when it is told it becomes richer. Whether by embellishments or by plain strings, it remains told and stays in our hearts and active and subconscious minds teaching us or reminding us of something. And it always achieves its purpose.
Good stories ennoble us, bad stories wisen us and ugly ones caution us.
Every action is a story; every song, every day, every life is a story of sorts. The content depends on the players. We live, we learn, many stories are being told at once. These stories define our exposure and by extension (our) reality. And these days the stories we hear and see seem to be in a collaboration to drive discretion out of doors. Reality's lines are being blurred by stories that downplay moral intelligence. There is almost no content on the mainstream media dedicated to make strong men of little ones (literally and figuratively).
We must collectively pick the gauntlet to create such content that sells value and truth; such stories whose words and actions are not discordant. Good things are not just picked randomly. The serious business of creating good and lasting content must be pursued with passion. Don't just complain when you see bad stuff, create your version and make it good - no, better.

#SalientMatters
04/01/2017
(c) 'durotimi

Welcome

Hello everyone. 
I hope that #Conversations has been as much an interesting journey for you as it has been for me. I wish that my writing is enlightening and in line with the purpose of this blog which is to make us all think and when we're done thinking, take practical steps about the things we've thought. 
Please look forward to a weekly post on Wednesdays ranging on different issues including #SalientMatters and #UnChurched topics. This does not mean that there will be just one post weekly all the time. Depending on the situation, more than one article (poetry, prose, picture) could come up in seven days. And there will be pieces from other writers too. 
Come along now. 
WARNING: I remain open to correction and feedback as I may not be entirely right/wrong about my views. I write based on opinion and experiences. I appeal to you to follow with an open mind and rethink your perspective. 
Thank you.