Dissatisfied with my ordinary life

Lately I've lost my peace. Loss of peace means little or no sleep, worry, almost no appetite, tiredness and high stress levels. All of that. I haven't found a way to get it back yet as the thoughts in my head have prevented my peace from returning. The cause of this is not unknown to me though it is still unclear what to do about it.
I am tired. Tired of the mundane things that mark my life at present. Is this how I'll continue? Without a concrete plan to impact my generation and no means to implement my plans? Is this how lives gradually become irrelevant in the scheme of things? Isn't this how dreams fizzle out and die avoidable deaths? Distracted from course and purpose, not content but coasting along; hungry, wanting, hoping.
I want to do things. It pinches me, oh it bothers me. I am not satisfied. I hate my ordinary life. Ordinary in the sense that I am not achieving the things I want to achieve. I'm trying but time seems to get away from me. I feel the energy coursing through me and I am restless. I've lost my peace. Is it odd that I feel like this?
I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time, know there was something that I left behind. When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets, Leave something to remember, so they won't forget I was here.

Written by 'Duroti'

Selfishness

Selfishness is a major clog in the wheel of development. And this is true not just in Nigeria. The finer virtues in men are sometimes hidden by this wall. The wall of uncertainty that separates us, making us fret over what is to come and do things that are less than noble or even humane. It has stifled good intentions and in some cases, killed integrity. Indeed this thought is as factual as it could be, anywhere in the world.
Or to what may we credit the known theme of Africa to the outside world? Corruption is a dis-ease of the mind and it definitely doesn't start in the place of power. As a sickness like any other, it builds gradually, starting from a causal agent and showing symptoms and is fuelled or prevented by the prevailing conditions in the body (immunity). The society, which is mired in unaccountability in most cases, has no clout to withstand the invasion of this illness caused by the virus selfishness whose main symptom is thievery. Even though we seem to know the way forward, we can't cure ourselves of this ill - the ills of corruption caused by selfishness. Some think it's lost cause for us to be upright, some preach the next generation as if this is a new campaign. But if we can't stem it here and now, how will they do it? Others call for change and more often than not their hands aren't where their mouths are.
If true development must take place, let me put it to you that there must be a shift of mindsets. Men must see change in thought processes as the way forward and be willing to unlearn. Everything we are and do was learnt before it became peculiar to us. This is the only way to break the unending circle of failure in life and society. If we will give thought to our fellows, starting from the brothers and reaching out to the world in a bid to better all our lives, our actions won't go sour and we will succeed in building a better world for our race. It is expedient that we foster thinking and collective reasoning with lifestyles that will provoke one another to excellence. And while we're trying to fix us, we should expunge the evil that threatens to corrupt our children.

Thanks for reading
Written by 'durotimi

A Tried Girl's Harangue (Part 3)

*

Day III
[Her words are directed at you today - yes, you. She thinks she's over him but is getting philosophical. Answer her if you can.]

**********************************************
I want a god. A real life god, very human yet god-ly.
I want a king, one brave beyond mere men
Who won’t be prone to the excesses of mundaneness
Who wears his scars like a trophy or crown.
I want a god. Some think my head is in the clouds
To claim my one is a god even before he is man.

I’m a queen;
Believe it or not I am a queen
Deserving of the best in this
Reserved, at rest, in peace.
I’m a rose;
A black rose you claim but a rose
With your heart my fragrance you see
Beauty, civil, serene.
**********************************************

In love with the idea of being in love

You say you love me but I’m not sure. I thought I loved you, maybe not. But what does it mean to be in love? What does it really mean to be in love with someone? Is it synonymous to loving that one? If I am in love with the thought or idea of loving someone, if I crave it so much that it is true to me, are my feelings pseudo or phantom? I really do want to love this one, to be in love with this one and I already feel something for this one; are my feelings really for the someone, are they real? If I fall in love with someone based on a series of events or traits I witnessed, is it possible to always be in love with that person because of those reasons or is more required to stay in love? Is it possible to fall out of love with that person based on other series of events that emerge?
Feelings can be ignored, feelings can be stifled or repressed, feelings can be transformed, feelings can be channeled but do feelings ever die? What do we do about this feeling called love that spreads its stinging arrows afar and leaves broken hearts in its wake? Is it real, is it true, is it worth the pain?
Methinks the problem with this “idea” of being in love with someone is that it doesn’t allow one to see things as they really are. We project our feelings on the idea not necessarily on the reality standing in front of us. This is one girl’s perspective, what is yours?

Thank you for reading
#GirlRant (c) 'durotimi
*picture gotten from openclipart.com

A Tried Girl's Harangue (Part 2)

Day II
So beauty tried to be friends with him but before long, she found that it couldn't work. Things just could not work between them. He wants to be with her when he's hardly left the other. Closeness of opposite sexes in "just friendship" is a doorway to disaster of different types. Not only is she disappointed, she's raving mad! How dare he ask more of her! Her eyes are open and now she realises that she was headed for heartbreak unknowingly. Oh well, y'all tried to warn her, right? Sad as she is, she's reluctant to walk away entirely.

**********************************************
A letter to him: So I friend-zoned you

I want a god and you’re not him so I friend-zoned you. The pedestal that lived in my heart with your person in it stays on, though my perspective has changed and is much different now than it was when it was first installed.
Then I admired you, revered you. As one who was an icon and it was a privilege to be with and be associated to. Of course I laid things on a little bit thickly, but that was because I was dwarfed by your awesomeness or awed by your height on the standard ladder.
Later I adored you. As the friend who was worthy enough of my time and attention. Crazy as hell yeah, but, I felt secure with him. 'I'm safe', I thought, even though I knew better, "I'll stay" I said.
Revere turned to respect.
I wanted nothing but his friendship. I was scared to hope but I did it anyway. I knew the worst that could happen, or so I thought.
Still later on, the trend turned to deeper ties. And then I ran. But how could I prove that I was right. I hadn't forgotten the past and the one I was dealing with. So I stayed, and prayed, and hoped. Choosing to ignore the voice in my heart. "You gotta trust somebody", I said, "allow yourself to live a little". And I lived, enjoying every bit of the moments. Until...
I still feel deep respect. And something else.
The pain in my heart is great. The love in my heart is great. But even though I intend not to, I guess I'm just a sore loser. I wanna eat my cake and have it. It really is all about me. And so I put you where it's convenient for me. To reach you when I want. To touch you yet hold back. I can do such things. Especially since I don't know what it is to...
Yeah. What's acceptable is wreaking havoc and who the hell talked about 'normal'? *sigh*
You know, one has to let go of what he can't keep in order to get what he can't lose. Now I see the wisdom in those words. Just when I decided to be selfish, I remembered. I'm having a rethink.
Let's just go back to the beginning. For the sake of safety and sanity. We can pretend that all that has happened is water under the bridge. It seems fair enough to both parties to me since we'd both hurt and maybe regret but we've gotta take the chance. Accept my apologies, dear friend. I really am so sorry. It's not fair that you had to go through this stuff but its not entirely my fault either. Its the burden I've had to bear. Pardon me my friend, for God's sake. Life has thrown us both curve balls. 

Maybe we can start again and get it right this time. Maybe we can do things differently. Maybe, maybe, maybe. All's a hope hinged on uncertainty. Because I wanted almost something rather than nothing, I friendzoned you. And it's hurting. Both you and I. 

[What do you think is wrong with her? Is she being ambivalent or she has no clue herself? Think about her rant, what do you glean from it? Drop your comments and thoughts here and share with your friends.] 

Thanks for reading 

#GirlRant (c) 'durotimi 

*picture gotten from Pinterest 

Introducing: New post alert!

Hello dear reader, how has the year been? I hope your previously made plans are advancing in the pipeline of execution. It is with pleasure that I inform you that I've made some and am still making progress on my set goals, and one of them is to write a series this week that will be coming up one piece daily for 3 days this week, on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. It is almost in line with the season (Valentine) - don't roll your eyes! It promises to be real and astonishing, please come with me and enjoy. Your thoughts and comments are welcome as usual. Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. Thank you in anticipation.
Yours truly, 'durotimi.

A Sneak Peek...
Title: A tried girl's harangue
Meet the narrator whose story is been told in this series; she’s been stung by a man – one man who meant a million and more. She’s hurt and bitter, and she wants to vent. You are the audience, the third party, the sympathizer and you’re gonna listen.

(c) 'durotimi

Christian and Unbelieving

It is possible to be a professed Christian and not believe the Bible.

How?

When Mark* says he’s following God, living right and doing the needful, he speaks truth. That’s all he thinks it is to be a Christian. His church attendance is impeccable, his morality is faultless and his good works – oh, you won’t find a better man! He looks like it; the perfect example of a Christian man; upright, godly, fine, except he’s not. He may accept the Bible – some parts of it, he may be principled with his words often in tune with his actions but only on a superficial level (just in Church), he believes some of the believable stories in the Bible and he might know what it says is right and good but that’s about all. He doesn’t really listen to sermons, don’t talk about incredible things like resurrection; movies are based on fantasies like that. Jesus is not of his nationality and times have changed. He was a prophet, great teacher and almost cool guy – leave it at that, there’s no need to emulate Christ that he can see.

Why? 

When God is a far away fixture to a man, even though he believes, his faith is derivative at best and his Christianity is situation based. He believes, yes he does, but not when his life hangs in the balance. If perchance you catch him at a bad moment, you’ll see the true stuff inside him coming out and it is far from godly. Don’t you dare offend him or he will not forgive, don’t ask him to contribute to Sunday school, Bible study or a Christian debate, he has no knowledge or revelation of his own and can’t fight for his faith. He is a Christian but is unbelieving; almost an atheist. And it is not only about the Bible, his entire belief system is fundamentally wrong.

A lot of people fall into this class for many reasons. Some have mixed religion with culture and have contorted beliefs that reflect in their living. Many think the Bible is not just relatable (probably by the version or portions they read), others say it’s not explicit enough since it doesn’t give answers like an how-to book and yet others think the stories are archaic, holding no relevance to the current day and age. And they fill our churches. On the surface they are “it” but they truly aren’t.

*Is fictional

Written by ‘durotimi

Thanks for reading.

Feeling you

Roll out the drums and do your dance, 

The arena is yours, everyone step aside. 

Ain't no one capable of stopping you,  

You smile bright, no one got your shine. 

You are the star, worthy of more than diamonds 

You are the crown, of more worth than pearls 

You are the maker, the keeper, the owner 

You are the sun, forget all sons 

You are beautiful 

You are worth it 

You are amazing 

You are strong 

And I love you, always. 

Written by 'durotimi and dedicated to Adelewa on this auspicious February 4th.

*picture gotten from Pinterest

Dreaming

I’m grateful for the ability to dream and the freedom it brings.
I’m glad that it’s at no cost to me or anyone who tries to do it.
You “CAN” imagine the strength and wealth and power that comes from dreaming. Putting the imagination to work is a really cool thing to do if you’re so inclined.
Dreaming (with my eyes open or closed, on my seat or with laid back) is a means of escape. I can run from the past or present, I can create the now I want or the future, I can do anything and everything and I determine the players. Who does what, says what, how I act, how they act, how I live. Irrespective of the known reality, a story is painted and more often than not it is favorable. Forget ability or capacity, in this realm there are no impossibilities.
As much as that sounds narcissistic, it is truth. Maybe there’s an indirect god-complex at work, maybe it’s an avenue to not live fully or maybe it is a weakness. Whatever it is, I am happy that although they tried, no one succeeded in taking away my thoughts and dreams. No one could stop me from dreaming; it’s free and it’s mine. And it can be yours too. You never can tell what will come of it. For me, a lot has been birthed by my dreaming; more than I can tell.
My imagination is fueled by sight/scenarios of life, ingested content and ideas from nowhere, it is not always unaffected by human limitations however. Whatever it is I conjure in my mind, I’m a success at it either by invention or innovation. Some of the things I’ve imagined have seen the light of day, others remain lurking in the corridors of the space they were created in, waiting to be visited.
The problem with people like me who build castles with their minds is that they are often misconstrued to be something contrary. Especially by people who can’t understand the things we talk or don’t talk about. And the comments that pass could be scathing.
Don’t stifle another’s dreams. A lot of courage is channeled to share a dream when it is had. Don’t dismiss it. The world’s heroes are people who dared to dream and chase those dreams. No matter how “foolish” it may seem, those dreams have potential and the capacity to change lives.

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.