Thank You

What is this about love?

Jesus loves me, Jesus loves you, Jesus loves the world.
How do I know this? 
Scripture says God is love and He loved us first. So much so did He love us that He gave His Son as a sacrifice to restore and grant us a relationship with Him. He extended love to us and called us His children. 
We experience His love via His sacrifice; believing in Jesus, God's own Son. And we love Him back by following His precepts, as mentees to mentor. 
How can God be love and how can He love us? How true is the claim that He loves the world? Does God still love? 
A loveless person is a sightless person, as opposed to the cliche that love is blind. That thought is a prevarication of God's nature. He hasn't told any lies, especially not about Himself. He can't and He won't, He doesn't need to. We are all His and He says He loves us. If there really was no love from God to us, past and present, there would be no love from one to another, no noble intentions and no peace or unity. Love fosters tenderness and intimacy, without love only hostility and all forms of savagery will be. All love is a shadow/an image of the love that was first. We go out of our ways at times to help others because love works in us. And the best way to love is to put our lives on the line for our friends. 
God put His love (Son) on the line for us by offering Jesus while we were of no use to Him. Whether we accept His love or not, nothing can stop His loving us. Indeed nothing can get between us and God's love. Though the great commandment states "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind," there is no coercion or fear in His love. Rather he tells us that walking in love brings no wrong. By loving our neighbours even as our selves, we prove that love is the greatest. 
However, because we always want our way, we try to call the shots, even where God is concerned but need I remind you that nothing can be entirely controlled. God is sovereign and He owes no explanations. If His will were paramount to us then we could dare to ask Him questions - not question Him, as sons to father, even if He isn't obliged to answer. God's love holds no offence or arguments. Take it or leave it; don't explain it away. 

*Passages of Scripture quoted directly and indirectly are from the Message translation and King James Version of the Bible. 

#UnChurched 
29/12/2016 
(c)  'durotimi 

Parenting 2

It is not enough to sow the seeds of human life in quick, repeated sessions of reckless ecstasy. Beyond the delight of tears, beyond the passionate intensity of countless orgasms, the future of our children, of our own mortality and ancestry awaits our constant vigilance and careful nurturing. - Kofi Anyidoho
He is a good man, she is a good woman but being a good individual does not imply that he/she will be a good spouse and that definitely is not equivalent or proportional to being a good parent! I am shocked at young people who read up on relationship and or marriage with the goal of being an OK spouse. They just want to be married or dating but what comes after? To be honest, most people do not know or are not sure. And within months of their nuptial agreement, we see their lack of knowledge displayed – some of them can’t even be together! Those who seem “happy” together can’t wait to be parents - hold UP! What’s the rush?!
They have almost no time together and remain aspiring of the next big thing without enjoying the now, inevitably building up a momentum that is bound to spill over on their child(ren). Happiness alone cannot sustain harmony.
No one tells them that it’s good to read books to prepare but it is better to work hard at things. Almost no one shares valuable experience and on those who try the message is lost. We prepare to be wives and husbands but we don’t prepare to be fathers and mothers (parents) so in the years to come, our children wish we hadn’t married at all. They themselves begin to think that being with the right person is the way out of an unbalanced environment and in trying to avoid our mistakes and faults they tilt so far to the other end of the scale that they make their own just-as-ghastly mistakes. How many times in the world have children said the words; “I do not want to be like my parents!” either because of the parent’s character or marriage?
Some great husband and wife relationships have fallen apart because of the children and many childhoods have been ruined by unsuspecting parents. Still we grow up and get in line to repeat the same mistakes though we claim to be wiser. I know there are people who do their best to be great parents; I personally know a few of them. The irony of the issue is that sometimes their efforts do not show in the way they hoped. To what shall we attribute that?
People who are supposed to be better informed claim that you can never be prepared to be a good parent and I ask, “Why did you prepare at all for your future? Or why did you prepare to be good at your job? Perhaps you didn’t bother about it and left all to chance?" True, we all learn as we go but it won’t hurt to get some knowledge beforehand! Start by asking questions – what is my motivation for childbearing? Where am I going to raise my children? How am I going to cater to their needs? What am I going to teach my children? What will they be exposed to? Are we going to maintain our harmony in spite of the children and how? Can we just take a pause to rethink our orientation towards the exciting future of our children?

#SalientMatters
20/12/2016
(c) 'durotimi

Dirty Funnel

Fresh, hot, so precious, flowing directly from the source. This oh so important matter that sets our wheels spinning. And so it pours from the only place that has it; unrestricted, with intent, in hope without prejudice and undiluted.
Man as desirous of good things as he is, is often unprepared to take full advantage of the gifts he’s given.
From the clergy to the pews, God is speaking. Pouring out His manna to better our lives if only we’ll just listen. Unfortunately many have consigned the gift and the privilege of hearing from God to the spiritual leaders. After all they are the shepherds Christ gave to tend His Church. And for this reason among many others the clergy has become a bridge between man and God. They occupy a virtual seat of honour due to the responsibilities or positions that are conferred on them. Like a funnel they aid in transmitting messages from the source to the receiver. The source being God and the receivers, His people. They receive messages and disseminate it as best as they can – distilled, diluted, decanted. But the funnels are people; as prone to sin and error as anyone else. These leaders who are just as busy as everyone else are saddled with so much to deal with even by their very own daily lives and are sometimes overwhelmed especially when there are many people to cater for. They have their own motives and prejudices and are not too far from a god-complex. Either in reception or delivery, things could go wrong. Perception, perspective, intent, desire; all could taint the message.
For instance if a preacher begins to enjoy his position of authority over the congregation, he could (unknowingly) take their eyes and hearts off the saviour; the true advocate, as he soaks in accolades or sees himself in coloured light. Pride sets in, his word is true or isn’t it? Anyone who can’t or won’t act in line or conform to his desires is seen as unyielding, rebellious or unbelieving. Manipulation starts from there. That’s just a scenario. It is not out of place to hear that a “man of God” has fallen into error. No one knows how long they operate in the wrong. Even those who hear from God can fall into error as a result of wrong interpretation of Scriptures (for whatever reason that might occur), temptation or pressure. In good cases, tempered funnels may sport personal blemishes which though does not affect the message delivery, may be a stumbling block to other lives. We’re all humans and hence capable of getting things wrong. Man will not always accurately deliver and interpret revelations because we remain prone to errors of different types and our personalities always reflect in delivery. Some leaders are genuine and honest in their walk and pursuit of an exemplary life but others are just deliberately full of dross, misleading others.
But then if we all were listening and could hear God speaking, wouldn’t we still be ill or imperfect in at least one form? We all at one point or the other in our lives are no different from dirty funnels. In words and deeds, in Church and out of Church, whether listening or not, someone else is getting influenced by us; dirty funnel or not.

#UnChurched
15/12/2016
(c) 'durotimi

Homecoming

Dedicated to Engineer Sunday Adewumi
(of blessed memory) 08/12/2016

Today we commended the body of a friend and loved one to the earth in burial. He was a spark, full of life; a vibrant flame 'till he was extinguished. Life is fleeting but his was not a fickle one. His years were worth every single number of them.
Oh life be good to me! Oh death you're a tyrant!
As much as *The Hope* remains, we sigh. Yet our tears pour out of our hearts in loving memory. Assured that you truly are now home, our thoughts are all the more sob wrenching. It was good for you to stay but it is better by far that you are where you belong.
Live on dear one, icon of love and light. We were blessed to have you.

*1 Thessalonians 4:13 - 14

(c) 'durotimi

The Other Woman

Many have sought her hand but in vain they sought. Her affections belong to another. “I cannot be married to one and pine for another” she claims. Marriage or being married seems to her to be the same as being in a strait jacket. 
With their eyes they taunt, with their words they mock. “When are we going to eat your rice?” they ask her. “Your age is increasing, your flower will soon fade o.” She in turn answers in derision, “Is it by force to be married? I like my life, leave me let me enjoy. Y’all should mind your unhappy businesses.” And they laugh at her in scorn, exchange knowing looks and sneer. They make a case out of her lifestyle, talking all sorts of things but she really doesn’t bother to correct their thinking even though they paint her a sinner. Not that their idle chatter about her leaves her unfazed; she has resolved that she’d rather live by taking that which is not hers to keep than struggle with standards of morality that are too strenuous to bear. 

Take what you want, says the gods, take it and pay for it.

So she considers their mockery as payment for her reality. Besides isn’t her life more satisfying than all theirs? She wants another woman’s husband, one who is termed an adulterer for wanting her. For money, for love, for pleasure. “I just wanna be happy” she says, and she has the right to pursue happiness. 
For money; she needs him, has to be with him, for her sustenance and kin. And the moneybag deserves to be used; he doesn’t suffer as much as her. She’s out for him or rather, his money. 
For love; her world revolves around him, she lives in torture waiting for him, pining for him and desiring him. And when he comes to her, no matter how brief his stay, her life is bliss. She wants the unattainable for she can never truly have him; what with his wife and children and his whole world at stake. He thinks of her as a friend of sorts, an asset to his life. It’s true he wants her but he wants that too. Her heart beats for him and she can’t cast him away so she stays content with being kept as the second wheel; the convenient pleasure giver. She is consoled by the thought that if his home becomes too much of a dissatisfaction he will turn to her for his desired haven. And though those people would label her adulteress, home wrecker, solicitress and whatever else, she would be happy because she has her man. 
“Even if he will not stand by me or grow old with me, I’d choose him over and over as the object of my affection. I am never letting go of him.” 
For pleasure; call it covetousness or a function of her chemistry. Or just because, she knows no other way of living. It’s one of those things. And when she wants him, she takes him. It doesn’t matter if he’s hers to have or not. 
No one should ignore the power of another woman in a man’s life. While she might be oblivious to the influence she wields, let no thought be spared to her duplicity. There is no such thing as a harmless gesture in matters of the heart. Little trickles of water will wear a great boulder out. 

#SalientMatters 
06/12/2016 
(c) ‘durotimi 

Heaven

I wanna go to heaven, I haven't met anyone who doesn't want to. But of all the people I've met, only a minor percentage of them are willing to make life count here on earth (by doing things that matter or can outlive them) and there in heaven (by choosing to be there and working with their decision).

We sing these are the days, behold He cometh. Are we ready to die or are we truly ready for the rapture? We hope to hear good and faithful servant from Him to us yet half of our daily lives are not exactly savoury to him. We don't think/feed on the things that make us more like Him. We don't belong here but we aspire to things that do not transcend the here and now. We aren't bothered about perpetuating the Kingdom. Are we gonna save only our skins? Unlike the ambassadors we are supposed to be, we aren't representing. Yet we wanna go home. Are we really ready for Him to come?
Present or absent, is my life, your life, our living a testament to the glory of God? If our lives and living are not dedicated to bringing him glory in all things, at all times what do we wanna go home for? To live is Christ, to die is gain. Is that true for you, me, us? Do we live like we do not have a hope or a future or do we press toward the mark; knowing that He awaits. It's not long now.
Maybe you don't believe in 'heaven'. I tell you that there is a place, such a place that earth can't compare. This isn't all there is. Heaven is an even bigger reality than earth itself.

Be heavenly minded, do earthly good.
Philippians 3, 4

#UnChurched
01/12/2016
(c) 'durotimi

Heart pouring

Flour sugar butter flavour
Eggs fruit milk baking powder
Is this a batter or a dough?
Somehow bitter somehow sweet
Cake or pudding, pastry, pie
You my dear are twice as fine.
A while ago you were, so precious,
Babe in arms and swaddling clothes.
Now I see a confident beaut
Ripe with age, taking her own.
For one day each year I, reminisce on
How you've bloomed and each time I
Am thank full as I offer prayers.
May you remain full of fragrance,
Your days being splendid and your nights tasty
May the spark never leave your life and
Like a well prepared dish, may you be sated.
Happy birthday my sweetheart,
Ain't no one sparkle like you.

Dedicated to Adeyemo Peace Adedoyin on her birthday today and her wonderful friend Adebimpe Owojaiye.
#friendsforever #sisterly #sweatpeas

Parenting

In some parts of the world, not very far from you, maybe closer than you think, there are couples who are being negligent about the upbringing of their children. So they feed and clothe their ward(s), send them to school, buy them toys but do they talk to them, talk with them or bother/care about their individuality? These parents, are they not passive about their parenting? Oh, back up a moment please. Forgive me.
Possibly he goes to work, foots the bills, pays everybody whatever he has to give them and locks up. When he’s home the TV or newspaper is his companion. He barks orders to remind us of his crown; the crown he wears as a result of his position, all his orders are standing orders – don’t you dare forget that! His son is watching. And please do not get in his way or he’ll be angered. He has no respect or regard for her (his wife) or her feelings. His children are watching. She has a job, not well paying but flexible enough for her to be a mother. She’s in charge of cooking and cleaning and keeping the children in line, including transporting them everywhere, taking responsibility for their lives and education, being up to date in order to keep up with them, meeting their friends and everything a child needs a mother for and be a wife at the same time. Day in day out without rest or vacation. Last to sleep and first to wake. He’s not there to train his children, she’s too busy or overwhelmed with duties to see to their character thoroughly so the kids learn as they go. In such a case, who is supposed to educate the children on things not taught in school; talk to them about sex and their sexuality, go exercising with them, motivate them, cheer them, discuss career with them and take care of all other things that are just as necessary? Yes they function okay (just OK) as primary caregivers but is that all there is to parenting?
There’s a long list of people far and wide who have failed at being good parents. They are successful in other affairs but not in the business of parenting. Some are great teachers of other people’s children, wonderful designers and creators of all sorts, savvy business people, dexterous technicians, to-be-reckoned-with career people or members of clergy. These ones are good people, don’t get me wrong, they try – at least they put themselves into something. Most times they are capable of scaling the test of basic care giving, providing the bare necessities. Others are alcoholics, womanizers (or man-izers depending on who it is), party addicts, substance abusers, rapists, terrorists, paedophiles, abusive, chain smokers, lazy bones, tin gods and derelict people, unafraid to tout the factors of their dilapidated lives. Whether good or bad, these are members of the clique of poor parenting. Don’t blame them for their failures, it’s never their faults. Most of them do not realize what they have done or not done or rather what they are doing, right or wrong. Broken men and women, praiseworthy on some counts and struggling with life themselves on others yet daring to bring another whole life into a less than sane world for whatever reason they do it without considering...
The journey; from pregnancy to delivery to childhood to preteen to adulthood and all the steps in between, all major steps in life for as many as are concerned. Can one person handle it? Can a full time parent (mum) successfully handle any number of children without a partner’s support and turn out perfect children? Is there an ideal situation for child rearing? Do dads really think they have nothing else to contribute to their families except monetary support and the occasional ‘help’ they render? Is there a way to make balanced children? Why do parents spend increasingly diminishing amounts of time with their children? Who else is supposed to play a role in child upbringing? Which of the parents is supposed to instil discipline in a child? Many questions have I, many questions need to be asked and answered. Perhaps your #Conversations will yield answers.
#TheParentingIssue will be continued.

#SalientMatters
22/11/2016
(c) ‘durotimi

Profanity

Ever met a decent or distinguished looking person who uttered words that made you do a double take? Perhaps the string of expletives they dropped or the manner in which the words hit like eggs smashed against a wall. Did you think that person or certain people are above using swear words? I suppose so, but isn't it surprising; even church people use profanity. The ones that are considered to be morally upright, possessing a cultured tongue, well mannered, tolerant and understanding; sometimes they are pushed beyond their limits (or not) and then they burst forth words that are considered censored. For some others though, cussing in as near to them as fish is to water, with all or most of their discussions tainted with intensifiers that are most times unnecessary. Indeed swearing is considered normal in such circles that to abstain from such is to be tagged with un-cool titles.
The issue of profanity and its use is a result of the ingestion of unsavory material. Out of the heart the mouth speaks (Matthew 15:18). Either by association (friends and peers) or by trend (movies and music). What we have inside will always, definitely find a way out of us. It might take time, but eventually. As much as we ingest things that are pure, good, noble and all, if there’s so much as a little dirt in us, it will show. And that’s what happens. All content is a function of our environment and what reigns in each person be it poisonous or healthy.
In spite of the bowdlerization in the things we see and hear, the encouragement of profanity is on the increase. It is not out of place for people to act indecorously now that the world is leaning towards the blurred lines of reality that we have as a result of dumbing down our moral intelligence. But then, what is it about profanity that makes it so appealing that it is almost inexpugnable? Swear words are taboo especially for certain age ranges but it still is alluring for use especially to them. Perhaps because some classes of people are "allowed" to use it as a result of their age and status, it is increasingly difficult to deter others from doing just that. Forbidden things usually arouse rebellion but more so profanity. At the least expected moments it pops out and initially we are surprised but we find reason to explain it away. Isn't that reflective of what we expose ourselves to and the state of our morality? No doubt we're humans but could we make efforts to clean up our hearts and the language?

#UnChurched
17/11/2016
(c) 'durotimi.

Hair girl

I know a girl who recently got a haircut; a crew cut. She previously had long strands; ink black, beautiful and complimenting her dark skin. Hers had been a mane to envy but she chopped it off for no apparent reason. Shaving almost all the back of her head and the sides, the middle anterior part of the hair was trimmed giving it a jagged edge with the longest strands in front and shorter ones going backward in the middle of her head. It was a bold step that made a statement – a loud statement in the conservative community we reside in. I’m interested not just because I knew her when she had a full mane and believe me when I say there wasn’t any prettier one that I ever saw; to chop it off just like that (for fun maybe) seems outrageous to me - and this isn’t some teenager struggling with her identity, but also because it is an action that has generated many responses as is common with controversial matters.
You see, in this part of town, church folk stay out of controversy, avoiding and frowning at those who try to discuss such matters. Most people live their lives quietly, doing their best to adhere to the norms of society and ostracising those who can’t. It is difficult to discern who defined the terms of “normalcy” in this place but everyone seems to understand the dictates of “normal” and therefore everything that is considered ‘not-normal’ is a sin worthy of punishment which could come in numerous forms. For example, those who hit their children in public are seen as monsters but no one talks about the obvious beatings that go on behind closed doors which leave some of those children grounded so that the evidences of the parent’s unbridled anger or drunkenness will not be seen. It is normal to whip a child behind closed doors no matter the reason or outcome. Another example is the issue of alcohol; church people consider themselves too decent to ‘use the bottle’ and they frown at all forms or means of consuming it. Their children are forbidden to attend gatherings where strong drink may be served. In fact, the organisers of any parties their children might attend must be morally upstanding before they can be endorsed. I can see the customary look given in which the guilty one is observed with upturned noses of the pious. Some of these people and their wards take a sip every now and then yet maintain that alcohol is the devil’s drink. Still they stand at the corners of accusation, throwing murderous glances and frowning in righteousness, waiting for the sinner to repent and when such is not forthcoming, they shoot angry missiles with their words of condemnation and impending damnation in anticipation of the tears of the guilty. It is considered a taboo for their piety to be ignored; anyone found guilty of such rebellion is quickly committed to the hands of the devil to do with as he likes and heaven forbid that common folk relate with such a one, they all will be doomed for punishment with the offender.
Back to the matter of the hair girl as she has become because all other parts of her ceased to exist the moment her hair became a defining factor. Such a cut was deemed unacceptable along with the Mohawk a few years ago when it started trending. All sons were warned against mortgaging their future with the devil’s haircut as it was termed, never mind that some of these boys’ role models were sporting similar cuts. Quite a number of things are attributed to the devil, don’t you think? The boys were charged not to fraternize with the devil’s sons so that they would not be influenced negatively. How incredulous does that sound! Some of the older children who have “escaped” from the clutches of small-town-life have become notorious in the eyes of the community because they’ve embraced the trends of the times (which is unbecoming BTW). As a result, youngsters aspire to grow up and leave town, never to come back. Yet, there are a few children who are being modelled to be just as narcissistic and chauvinistic, including self-righteous just as the elders are. I have an inkling that these would-be leaders are going to beat the elders at their game. Ah, I’ve deviated, again. Pardon me. So, hair-girl is being frowned upon by the elders and the young ones alike. In fact, just yesterday, she was called out by one of the youth executives who started to interrogate her about her hairstyle, asking what benefit was it. The older ones hadn’t been as direct but need I add that they looked on with approval as hair-girl was being harassed. Unfortunately, things took on an unexpected turn as hair-girl started to argue in her own defence and two young people took sides with her. One of them was a girl who though has not been caught “in sin” always receives disapproving glances from women because of her size. She’s large in all the right places making her the object of male ogling. The other was a guy who schooled abroad but so far has been conforming to the rules that I’m not sure he knows he’s following. Anyway, things ended in a bit of a mix. That’s a first for Haven community church; the condemned usually do not speak.
    I saw her again this morning rocking the hair and I thought, “Go girl!” Though I ain’t pitching sides, someone oughta give these people a run for their money - that’s entertainment. But that’s beside the point; the main issue here is that no one is talking to people about things like truth, motive and all the other virtues that can make them strong in faith, rather the talks are about maintaining proper behaviour, something that can never truly be enforced. Young people are seeking for answers and attention in all manner of ways.

#SalientMatters
08/11/2016
(c) ‘durotimi

Advocate

“For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” – Saint Paul to Timothy
When Christ died at Calvary, the veil in the temple that separated the most holy place from the rest of the sanctuary was torn in two from top to bottom not by human hands but by the unseen hands of God. This signified the end of the reign of the old covenant in the law. No longer will the law be the standard for reaching God. Meaning there is no need to offer sacrifices as previously demanded because the Mediator has done it all. Through His (Jesus) covenant we enter into a fulfilling relationship with God without third party permission or authorised interference from anyone. It is just us; the I and the Almighty. We approach the Most High confidently and in faith through Jesus Christ and commune with Him whenever we want, period!
Funny how that very obvious fact as shown in Scripture seems to be unknown or to have been forgotten by many who stitch back that curtain in their hearts, setting a barrier between themselves and God whether out of fear, laziness or ignorance and outright misinformation in some cases. Like the ancient ones who wandered the wilderness, they cry, “Lord, don’t talk to me, send me Your Moses!” Creating a pedestal for a “man of God” in their hearts and lives, they appoint a human to mediate between them and God and they wait on such a one rather than God. Saddling him (or her) with their spiritual responsibilities, not a thing happens in their lives that he is unaware of because he is God’s servant to them and must be kept abreast of matters arising. So they can’t or won’t travel or embark on any new endeavour until they’ve told the Pastor and they share all of their struggles with him. When they sin or fall into error, he has to pray for them and tell them that it’s okay before they feel truly forgiven. And if he decides that God is unhappy, God remains a blue God to these ones, so they cower in fear, rejecting the evidence of God’s persona as recorded in the Bible. Jesus is out of reach to them and God is the Old Testament Sovereign who is angry, vengeful and sometimes bloodthirsty. “Let the Pastor relate with God using Jesus, we will relate with the Pastor,” they say. The words of Pastor are the words of God and that’s gospel truth. Occasionally do these ones remember the cross of Jesus and they are not even fully aware of its significance. At such rare times that they do remember, the blood of Jesus is the only useful thing to them.

There is no need for any other advocate or mediator between God and man and there is no need for a representative of Christ to His Church. People have to take this truth and understand it not just swallow it whole. God has no need for administrative assistants to relate with each of us. Stop hanging up a useless curtain. Come on in. 

#UnChurched
03/11/2016

(c) ‘durotimi

November!

November 1, 2016 

If we count the months as weeks and the weeks as days, 60 days remain in this leap year. 

If we count the days as hours and the hours as minutes from now, 60×24×60 minutes more or less, will remain. A large number that has not been spent yet but we're seldom conscious of that. 

60 seconds for every minute 

60 minutes for every hour 

60 days for this one year to end and pass away like all the rest. 

Does that scare you? Does it excite you? Does it surprise you? The coming days will be full of good things yet. It depends on you. 

01/11/2016 

'durotimi  

Mister John Doe

So I had lunch with my girl the other day, it was like any other meal. We talked while eating even though we knew it wasn't proper manners. And most of the things we talked about may not be of interest to y'all so ama just cut straight to the chase.

You see, Shonda (friend of mine) mentioned a guy that she met who couldn't get his eyes off her. Not just his eyes, his whole being seemed attentive to her. He liked to take liberties with his words; saying things that were baseless and he certainly didn't mean, like I got all it takes to be your keeper, ama stick with you like skin to rubber - what!? *rolling eyes*. Oh, his name is John Doe.

John Doe is one man like many others who thinks the womenfolk were designed only for men's desires. As such he can't understand ladies who hold their own or pay scant attention to men. He sees the idea of a woman being selective in her dealings with men as stupid. And just like a man who takes without asking and paying, in his eyes, relationships are favours, one in which the guy benefits and she'd better be thankful that his good graces are spent on her. So she does the work for what they have to last but he thinks she's dispensable. Yeah, men like John Doe are really popular and they're not just on campuses.

This isn't a tract about identifying the male blemish (named John Doe by me but which has other names in guys that you know), no! This, is my reaction to John Doe as Shonda dished it out. You shouldn't be surprised to hear that they became enemies just as fast as he fell for her.

“Mister John Doe. Listen to me. I hear you use words like love and affection saying things like “I love you” when you mean “Girl pay attention to only me” and “love makes the world go round”  when we, you and I and everyone else, know that love is far from you or your environs. The word scarcely leaves your mouth than it is out of your mind. You want an exclusive woman but you are nothing like it. You claim that making love to a woman is more than just an exercise but the number of women who have been hurt by your emotional bankruptcy is ever –increasing. Raising hopes with your fatal ideas, expecting more but giving less, quick to dissect a female who is out of line by “male” standards, without discipline yet lover of virtue, mister John Doe. Every man likes to have a good thing as his but men should strive to be deserving, don’t you think so? I see you hop from leg to leg, telling her that you love her no matter who she is, day in day out you’re ever full of words to cajole her as soon as she catches your fancy. Spreading your “love” around freely like it has no value, here a little, there a little. Why is your love so cheap?”

For the sake of those who think his actions are acceptable, may I inform you that John Doe’s love vanishes when he has an erection and his needs are satisfied [just because] but he thinks he deserves it. Payment for his talk you say, - ha! Leaving shattered pieces in his wake, John Doe’s relationships are no longer than the lifespan of a firecracker. He starts out hot and dies out just as quickly, it’s not entirely his fault that he can’t be tied down.

Seems to me sir, and ma, that the phenomenon called John Doe lacks either knowledge or sense or both. As loud as a siren, he’s disaster always ready to happen. I suggest that his mind be checked as he displays evidence of serious psychological trauma. Of course, he remains unaware of the malady he possesses and his exposure to other ailments. His ego poses an even greater risk factor, thinking only about himself, the words he spouts when bruised are venomous scorpions lacerating victims. One should stay away from this man, he just might never change. In some cases, outwardly, John Doe looks like a morally upright man who is fighting for balance in the society. Unfortunately, there is no more skilled hypocrite than he, for all his talk, he is as dirty as they come.

Heaven forbids that a girl reject his overtures as quickly as it comes, he turns fire breather. You see, not every lady aspires toward marriage or relationship and some of those that do, aspire towards other things as well. Being female does not stop one from having a life, so when she ignores guys, it doesn’t mean she’s lesbian or feminist (although that could be the case), it could mean the supposed guys are not eligible or good enough by her standards or she’s got other things or men in mind or she simply is uninterested. Is that so difficult to understand? If a female should be more “serious-minded”, shouldn’t males be even more so?

#SalientMatters 
25/10/2016 
(c) 'durotimi 

Church Clothes

CHURCH CLOTHES

Ever been in church with the pervading sense or feeling that something is wrong? Physically everything is right; the program is going on smoothly, the choir sings its heart out, the preacher does his thing to move the congregation and people seem to be enjoying the service but inside you feel discomfort. Has this occurred frequently in the one place that you’re used to – your local assembly? I’ll tell you what it was. The cohesive factor has been misplaced. From the pulpit to the pews, activities reign and though everything looks fine on the outside, there really is no depth because the original focus has been misplaced. Things begin to lose their sanctity and the sound in church becomes no different from the noise outside that nauseates and churns your insides. Then church services become plastic and synonymous with shows or pretences. Unfortunately not many seem to notice that things are not ‘right’ and to speak or act against the tide is to be ostracised. So you go along, even though you have little or low tolerance for it you go through the service or the motions of it eagerly anticipating the end so you can move on to the next thing.
You are not alone my friend, there are those who like myself find churches to be the most fearful places rather than safe spaces where we can truly be ourselves. Weekly we put on our clothes and join others to attend any of all the numerous services there are in hope that things will be different this Sunday but a few minutes into the service, we gotta put on the “church-mind” just as we wore our church clothes earlier and go on with the charade. The church mind: don’t get out of line, behave like this, don’t criticise, be happy even if you aren’t (good facials are necessary), participate. Colourful dresses, powdered faces, shoes and purses to match, everything finely done up (you can’t look scrawny to church). We sing, we shout, we clap our hands, celebrating the liberty in the Spirit, tucking everything else underneath the excitement that we’re supposed to feel (how dare you look gloomy!). It is supposed to be a good time after all there is fullness of joy in this place. (Is that right now?) We present ourselves to watch and listen, most times forgetful of the reason why we’re meeting. Indeed, churching is like partying to some; a celebration of something ambiguous – an idea perhaps, you’ll be shocked to find out the varying perspectives there are to church programs, they are just as diverse as the many reasons people go to church. Whether it is a stiff formal ritual filled with unchanging routines or a lively forum, the truth is that we do not always live on feelings generated by a worship service. Most times as soon as it is over, there is no significant difference in our spiritual baro or thermo meters! We return with little or nothing beneficial to our daily lives anticipating or dreading the coming weekend when the charade will be repeated maybe in a different form or place. Of what use is it then and how long will it go on?
Many have grown used to wearing a facade for the duration of the church service. All they have to look forward to are the moments after when friends who haven’t seen each other all week or people who have returned from their travels can meet and greet. Immediately afterwards most do not remember anything of importance about the service. When it comes up, the reasons for its mention could be a joke or something that isn’t really worth waiting all week for. And this may be the reason why things won’t change; there is no hunger, no dissatisfaction with the state of our lives that could bring about that change. We’ve grown complacent and those who haven’t, fall into the erroneous thinking that they have to start a new place with a new set of views and code of conduct. The real problem however still remains and gradually creeps – again. To cop out altogether is unthinkable and to be selective in attendance is unacceptable. Is there a day that this trend will change? When will there be a true revival, a rekindling of passion and fire for the church and her members?

20/10/2016
#UnChurched
(c) 'durotimi

The Cover That Was

Dedicated to the man who was necessary

You were a spark, a glowing ember
You were a torch, a raging fire
None can compare
The strength of your fervour
The light of your visage
The scope of your words
Reaching to the highest haven
You sat enthroned.
You were a god, a thunderous god
Interesting, isn't it?
Your humour was lethal, your smile a rain
Your touch was bitter, my heart is in pain
On this anniversary of your birth I celebrate
Not for any reason, just because.
Enigma you were, I still wonder
Oblivious to your Thorian capacity
Yet none dare apprise you
You were supposed to be the protector
But you it was that plundered.
Now that you're gone, I feel sadness and joy.
So here is to you, the cover that was.

His other woman

Dedicated to Nettifat

He loves me or so he claims and that seems to be true. 

I love him, I'm sure of that, he is too. Or why does he keep coming back? 

I am his woman but he is not mine. I am the other woman. 

The one he keeps in secret and runs to at every chance. I live my world around his and when he comes, it's like Christmas. He is married to a woman who bore him children. He has everything he needs and all seems fine with him but not all that glitters is gold, he really is not whole. The rich cry behind their gated fences and pretty walls. 

I am his woman not by chance but by choice. Even though things happened in an unplanned manner - we made this choice. To be together, to have each other and he delights in me as much as I am crazy for him. And though I may never completely have him, I want him all the same. Don't interrupt my bliss, I'd rather this than the other real. 

*********************************************

What shall we do about the ones for whom marriage is not sufficient? Should divorce be encouraged in such cases? If a man's wants are insatiable is that inclusive of marriage?These are questions I ponder as I think about the issue of a man who keeps another woman in his life at the same time staying married to his wife. Isn't this scenario relatable to the analogy of a child who wants to eat his cake yet have it in his hand to consume tomorrow? And his woman, is she wrong to love him even though she knows it may not be beneficial, to her and a woman like her who wants to protect herself?

If the wife is divorced because of the other woman, that would cause a disaster; an unforgivable experience. If the other woman is abandoned, that would be a great grievance, to her and the one she loves. His heart belongs to the other woman, his responsibility lies in the nest he has created. Things are bound to be complicated. Whose fault is the fiasco at hand and who should pay for it? 

There are "correct" answers for such a situation but matters of the heart are seldom politically correct. Could this mean that grey areas exist as a direct result of our emotions and not necessarily deliberate or willful negligence to follow the rules? If in your eyes and my eyes, all men are truly created equal with each individual amounting to much more than a number in the world, the dicey-ness of the situation will hit home with you. Ah, who knows, your sister or mother or aunt or friend or daughter or niece or a person closely related to you might be in such a situation at a point in time. What would you advise then?

A man is in a fix who could think but did not think far enough. 

#SalientMatters 

11/10/2016 

(c) 'durotimi. 

Service

No one can serve two masters. You would either love the one and hate the other or hold on to the one and despise the other - Jesus. 

Am I supposed to serve God only in the Church? 

What does serving God mean? Why service? 

Service is any activity that is rendered for the gratification of others. Service to God is worship. It is any good thing that is done either to God or men that makes God proud, giving him pleasure in our lives. 

Christians are called to serve. Leaders are chosen to serve. We are alive to do something that is beneficial not just for ourselves. Every man on earth has breath for a purpose. While there may be no scale to judge or weigh the things we do in service, please do not hesitate to keep on in it. 

I see people who claim to be Christians, indeed Church-people who use the lingo and all, sit on their high chairs, slurping happily away without a care in the world about getting their hands dirty. Even in attendance of church meetings called "services", everyone wants to sit back and be served forgetting that every other person also came to be served. Believing that service makes you lowly they don't want to participate in anything that involves them expending themselves albeit necessarily and forgetting that services were rendered for each person to get where they are in life. They claim to do their part and leave the rest for someone else who is perhaps thinking the same. 

How can I serve myself - work for my own ends, devote my time of life to my personal consumption yet claim that I have done my part in the world? Who's gonna make the world a better place? Isn't this a form of hypocrisy? Without concern for the good of others, without interest in the state of humankind, how can one claim to be truly serving or even serving God? There are some living 'the good life', paying little or no thought to even those related to them. Everyone should pay for their own meal or not eat at all, right? Do you think your payment is enough for all the services you've enjoyed? No! And do you think you must be paid for all your services? No! Since life began, existence has been supported by parties bending to each other. If I don't bend, how will I carry you, and how will we climb higher? And I see some supercilious church workers who act well in church services but outside that are guilty of double lifestyles, saying something about theology and secularism, excuse me, can service to God be rendered only at your local assembly? We all need each other and the services we can offer. All motion is caused by devotion. 

Service is influence, living and touching lives that may be unaware of our giving, indelibly leaving a mark. Serving God is helping humanity, pursuing peace and working for good in others. It is much more than being pious and law abiding. It is invention and innovation. It is neither a sacred nor secular concept. It is the way to live.

No one can serve himself and make positive contributions to the society. He will either take the one and neglect the other or abide to one and ignore the other. Tell it to everyone you know; if your action is helping someone somewhere without necessarily doing you good, it is service. If you're serving reverently, you're serving God. Stay worthy. 

06/10/2016 

#UnChurched 

(c) 'durotimi

Independence day

NIGERIA AT 56 

So it's another independence holiday and almost everyone I know is doing something (writing articles, dropping singles and all), yeah, I'm surrounded by people like that. Others are just going along, joining arguments and discussing the trends in the nation. I'm about to join my voice to the song of the season, please oblige me. 

Nostalgic feelings consume my heart and show on my face. Nigeria, our Nigeria, how do I stay patriotic to you? I have answered your call to live in serve freedom, peace and unity, not eschewing service in love, strength and faith. Because I long for you with great passion, I pray for you great nation. 

We are all we have whatever may come of that. Still we keep believing in this nation and hope that the promise within her will unfold. Even if the desired change is elusive and unattained (yet), let us defend Nigeria, our land, our people, us. And pray the simple prayer we have always sung. 

God bless Nigeria. 

Dear Nigeria, I will yet boast of thee. 

"Oh God of heaven, direct our noble cause. Please guide our leaders and help our youths to know the truth. Help us all to grow in love and honesty, leading just and true lives. We shall attain great lofty heights and our nation will be built, peace and justice will reign. Amen. " 

01/10/2016

(c) 'durotimi 

Birth

I came, all fresh and bounteous, ready to run my course and make a mark.

I came, accompanied by joy and promise, regardless of the manner or wont.

I came, you looked at me and saw me, not sure, much awed, understand?

I came.

Dear one, how precious you are!

Long we awaited your arrival,

And now you have come.

We can't help but rejoice at your coming.

I've come. I'm ready. Let's do this, but how?

You have misgivings? I have some too.

Let's not be scared.

A lot can happen, a lot will happen.

This is my journey as much as it is yours.

Find a place for me in your hearts that will remain when the novelty has worn.

Look at me and see me, try to understand.

#SalientMatters (c) 'durotimi 

27/09/2016

INTRODUCTION

Tuesday September 27 2016.

Hi y'all. This is #Conversations, a journal of the things I observe around me. I write as I think (or feel sometimes) about ideas and concepts that I encounter in my daily life. In other words this is my version of reality as I see it, hear it or perceive it; it may not always be in line with your point of view but it will set you thinking about what you think and why, and what, why and how I think. The purpose of #Conversations is to make us all think and when we're done thinking, take practical steps about the things we have thought. I have found that thinking people sometimes do not think as well, so when you think and are stuck, start a conversation of your own. Illumination comes swiftly.

Please look forward to #SalientMatters on Tuesdays and #UnChurched on Thursdays here. In #SalientMatters I will be writing about things that I find weighty and or interesting. There's a wide range of topics to choose from so allow me to surprise you. In #UnChurched, I will be writing on Christian issues. You may not understand what I mean by that but you'll be sure to find out soon.

DISCLAIMER: I may not be an authority on all the subjects I'll write about so feel free to question or correct my line of thinking if you think or see differently. But if you share my views, please let me know that my thoughts are corroborated by your perspective. This will prove to me that someone is thinking on the same things I'm thinking about.

On Twitter I am @durotitrena

Or send me a mail at ifedurotimi@gmail.com

Let us all share knowledge.