It is not enough to sow the seeds of human life in quick, repeated sessions of reckless ecstasy. Beyond the delight of tears, beyond the passionate intensity of countless orgasms, the future of our children, of our own mortality and ancestry awaits our constant vigilance and careful nurturing. - Kofi Anyidoho
He is a good man, she is a good woman but being a good individual does not imply that he/she will be a good spouse and that definitely is not equivalent or proportional to being a good parent! I am shocked at young people who read up on relationship and or marriage with the goal of being an OK spouse. They just want to be married or dating but what comes after? To be honest, most people do not know or are not sure. And within months of their nuptial agreement, we see their lack of knowledge displayed – some of them can’t even be together! Those who seem “happy” together can’t wait to be parents - hold UP! What’s the rush?!
They have almost no time together and remain aspiring of the next big thing without enjoying the now, inevitably building up a momentum that is bound to spill over on their child(ren). Happiness alone cannot sustain harmony.
No one tells them that it’s good to read books to prepare but it is better to work hard at things. Almost no one shares valuable experience and on those who try the message is lost. We prepare to be wives and husbands but we don’t prepare to be fathers and mothers (parents) so in the years to come, our children wish we hadn’t married at all. They themselves begin to think that being with the right person is the way out of an unbalanced environment and in trying to avoid our mistakes and faults they tilt so far to the other end of the scale that they make their own just-as-ghastly mistakes. How many times in the world have children said the words; “I do not want to be like my parents!” either because of the parent’s character or marriage?
Some great husband and wife relationships have fallen apart because of the children and many childhoods have been ruined by unsuspecting parents. Still we grow up and get in line to repeat the same mistakes though we claim to be wiser. I know there are people who do their best to be great parents; I personally know a few of them. The irony of the issue is that sometimes their efforts do not show in the way they hoped. To what shall we attribute that?
People who are supposed to be better informed claim that you can never be prepared to be a good parent and I ask, “Why did you prepare at all for your future? Or why did you prepare to be good at your job? Perhaps you didn’t bother about it and left all to chance?" True, we all learn as we go but it won’t hurt to get some knowledge beforehand! Start by asking questions – what is my motivation for childbearing? Where am I going to raise my children? How am I going to cater to their needs? What am I going to teach my children? What will they be exposed to? Are we going to maintain our harmony in spite of the children and how? Can we just take a pause to rethink our orientation towards the exciting future of our children?
#SalientMatters
20/12/2016
(c) 'durotimi
Hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteDeep!