Mister John Doe

So I had lunch with my girl the other day, it was like any other meal. We talked while eating even though we knew it wasn't proper manners. And most of the things we talked about may not be of interest to y'all so ama just cut straight to the chase.

You see, Shonda (friend of mine) mentioned a guy that she met who couldn't get his eyes off her. Not just his eyes, his whole being seemed attentive to her. He liked to take liberties with his words; saying things that were baseless and he certainly didn't mean, like I got all it takes to be your keeper, ama stick with you like skin to rubber - what!? *rolling eyes*. Oh, his name is John Doe.

John Doe is one man like many others who thinks the womenfolk were designed only for men's desires. As such he can't understand ladies who hold their own or pay scant attention to men. He sees the idea of a woman being selective in her dealings with men as stupid. And just like a man who takes without asking and paying, in his eyes, relationships are favours, one in which the guy benefits and she'd better be thankful that his good graces are spent on her. So she does the work for what they have to last but he thinks she's dispensable. Yeah, men like John Doe are really popular and they're not just on campuses.

This isn't a tract about identifying the male blemish (named John Doe by me but which has other names in guys that you know), no! This, is my reaction to John Doe as Shonda dished it out. You shouldn't be surprised to hear that they became enemies just as fast as he fell for her.

“Mister John Doe. Listen to me. I hear you use words like love and affection saying things like “I love you” when you mean “Girl pay attention to only me” and “love makes the world go round”  when we, you and I and everyone else, know that love is far from you or your environs. The word scarcely leaves your mouth than it is out of your mind. You want an exclusive woman but you are nothing like it. You claim that making love to a woman is more than just an exercise but the number of women who have been hurt by your emotional bankruptcy is ever –increasing. Raising hopes with your fatal ideas, expecting more but giving less, quick to dissect a female who is out of line by “male” standards, without discipline yet lover of virtue, mister John Doe. Every man likes to have a good thing as his but men should strive to be deserving, don’t you think so? I see you hop from leg to leg, telling her that you love her no matter who she is, day in day out you’re ever full of words to cajole her as soon as she catches your fancy. Spreading your “love” around freely like it has no value, here a little, there a little. Why is your love so cheap?”

For the sake of those who think his actions are acceptable, may I inform you that John Doe’s love vanishes when he has an erection and his needs are satisfied [just because] but he thinks he deserves it. Payment for his talk you say, - ha! Leaving shattered pieces in his wake, John Doe’s relationships are no longer than the lifespan of a firecracker. He starts out hot and dies out just as quickly, it’s not entirely his fault that he can’t be tied down.

Seems to me sir, and ma, that the phenomenon called John Doe lacks either knowledge or sense or both. As loud as a siren, he’s disaster always ready to happen. I suggest that his mind be checked as he displays evidence of serious psychological trauma. Of course, he remains unaware of the malady he possesses and his exposure to other ailments. His ego poses an even greater risk factor, thinking only about himself, the words he spouts when bruised are venomous scorpions lacerating victims. One should stay away from this man, he just might never change. In some cases, outwardly, John Doe looks like a morally upright man who is fighting for balance in the society. Unfortunately, there is no more skilled hypocrite than he, for all his talk, he is as dirty as they come.

Heaven forbids that a girl reject his overtures as quickly as it comes, he turns fire breather. You see, not every lady aspires toward marriage or relationship and some of those that do, aspire towards other things as well. Being female does not stop one from having a life, so when she ignores guys, it doesn’t mean she’s lesbian or feminist (although that could be the case), it could mean the supposed guys are not eligible or good enough by her standards or she’s got other things or men in mind or she simply is uninterested. Is that so difficult to understand? If a female should be more “serious-minded”, shouldn’t males be even more so?

#SalientMatters 
25/10/2016 
(c) 'durotimi 

Church Clothes

CHURCH CLOTHES

Ever been in church with the pervading sense or feeling that something is wrong? Physically everything is right; the program is going on smoothly, the choir sings its heart out, the preacher does his thing to move the congregation and people seem to be enjoying the service but inside you feel discomfort. Has this occurred frequently in the one place that you’re used to – your local assembly? I’ll tell you what it was. The cohesive factor has been misplaced. From the pulpit to the pews, activities reign and though everything looks fine on the outside, there really is no depth because the original focus has been misplaced. Things begin to lose their sanctity and the sound in church becomes no different from the noise outside that nauseates and churns your insides. Then church services become plastic and synonymous with shows or pretences. Unfortunately not many seem to notice that things are not ‘right’ and to speak or act against the tide is to be ostracised. So you go along, even though you have little or low tolerance for it you go through the service or the motions of it eagerly anticipating the end so you can move on to the next thing.
You are not alone my friend, there are those who like myself find churches to be the most fearful places rather than safe spaces where we can truly be ourselves. Weekly we put on our clothes and join others to attend any of all the numerous services there are in hope that things will be different this Sunday but a few minutes into the service, we gotta put on the “church-mind” just as we wore our church clothes earlier and go on with the charade. The church mind: don’t get out of line, behave like this, don’t criticise, be happy even if you aren’t (good facials are necessary), participate. Colourful dresses, powdered faces, shoes and purses to match, everything finely done up (you can’t look scrawny to church). We sing, we shout, we clap our hands, celebrating the liberty in the Spirit, tucking everything else underneath the excitement that we’re supposed to feel (how dare you look gloomy!). It is supposed to be a good time after all there is fullness of joy in this place. (Is that right now?) We present ourselves to watch and listen, most times forgetful of the reason why we’re meeting. Indeed, churching is like partying to some; a celebration of something ambiguous – an idea perhaps, you’ll be shocked to find out the varying perspectives there are to church programs, they are just as diverse as the many reasons people go to church. Whether it is a stiff formal ritual filled with unchanging routines or a lively forum, the truth is that we do not always live on feelings generated by a worship service. Most times as soon as it is over, there is no significant difference in our spiritual baro or thermo meters! We return with little or nothing beneficial to our daily lives anticipating or dreading the coming weekend when the charade will be repeated maybe in a different form or place. Of what use is it then and how long will it go on?
Many have grown used to wearing a facade for the duration of the church service. All they have to look forward to are the moments after when friends who haven’t seen each other all week or people who have returned from their travels can meet and greet. Immediately afterwards most do not remember anything of importance about the service. When it comes up, the reasons for its mention could be a joke or something that isn’t really worth waiting all week for. And this may be the reason why things won’t change; there is no hunger, no dissatisfaction with the state of our lives that could bring about that change. We’ve grown complacent and those who haven’t, fall into the erroneous thinking that they have to start a new place with a new set of views and code of conduct. The real problem however still remains and gradually creeps – again. To cop out altogether is unthinkable and to be selective in attendance is unacceptable. Is there a day that this trend will change? When will there be a true revival, a rekindling of passion and fire for the church and her members?

20/10/2016
#UnChurched
(c) 'durotimi

The Cover That Was

Dedicated to the man who was necessary

You were a spark, a glowing ember
You were a torch, a raging fire
None can compare
The strength of your fervour
The light of your visage
The scope of your words
Reaching to the highest haven
You sat enthroned.
You were a god, a thunderous god
Interesting, isn't it?
Your humour was lethal, your smile a rain
Your touch was bitter, my heart is in pain
On this anniversary of your birth I celebrate
Not for any reason, just because.
Enigma you were, I still wonder
Oblivious to your Thorian capacity
Yet none dare apprise you
You were supposed to be the protector
But you it was that plundered.
Now that you're gone, I feel sadness and joy.
So here is to you, the cover that was.

His other woman

Dedicated to Nettifat

He loves me or so he claims and that seems to be true. 

I love him, I'm sure of that, he is too. Or why does he keep coming back? 

I am his woman but he is not mine. I am the other woman. 

The one he keeps in secret and runs to at every chance. I live my world around his and when he comes, it's like Christmas. He is married to a woman who bore him children. He has everything he needs and all seems fine with him but not all that glitters is gold, he really is not whole. The rich cry behind their gated fences and pretty walls. 

I am his woman not by chance but by choice. Even though things happened in an unplanned manner - we made this choice. To be together, to have each other and he delights in me as much as I am crazy for him. And though I may never completely have him, I want him all the same. Don't interrupt my bliss, I'd rather this than the other real. 

*********************************************

What shall we do about the ones for whom marriage is not sufficient? Should divorce be encouraged in such cases? If a man's wants are insatiable is that inclusive of marriage?These are questions I ponder as I think about the issue of a man who keeps another woman in his life at the same time staying married to his wife. Isn't this scenario relatable to the analogy of a child who wants to eat his cake yet have it in his hand to consume tomorrow? And his woman, is she wrong to love him even though she knows it may not be beneficial, to her and a woman like her who wants to protect herself?

If the wife is divorced because of the other woman, that would cause a disaster; an unforgivable experience. If the other woman is abandoned, that would be a great grievance, to her and the one she loves. His heart belongs to the other woman, his responsibility lies in the nest he has created. Things are bound to be complicated. Whose fault is the fiasco at hand and who should pay for it? 

There are "correct" answers for such a situation but matters of the heart are seldom politically correct. Could this mean that grey areas exist as a direct result of our emotions and not necessarily deliberate or willful negligence to follow the rules? If in your eyes and my eyes, all men are truly created equal with each individual amounting to much more than a number in the world, the dicey-ness of the situation will hit home with you. Ah, who knows, your sister or mother or aunt or friend or daughter or niece or a person closely related to you might be in such a situation at a point in time. What would you advise then?

A man is in a fix who could think but did not think far enough. 

#SalientMatters 

11/10/2016 

(c) 'durotimi. 

Service

No one can serve two masters. You would either love the one and hate the other or hold on to the one and despise the other - Jesus. 

Am I supposed to serve God only in the Church? 

What does serving God mean? Why service? 

Service is any activity that is rendered for the gratification of others. Service to God is worship. It is any good thing that is done either to God or men that makes God proud, giving him pleasure in our lives. 

Christians are called to serve. Leaders are chosen to serve. We are alive to do something that is beneficial not just for ourselves. Every man on earth has breath for a purpose. While there may be no scale to judge or weigh the things we do in service, please do not hesitate to keep on in it. 

I see people who claim to be Christians, indeed Church-people who use the lingo and all, sit on their high chairs, slurping happily away without a care in the world about getting their hands dirty. Even in attendance of church meetings called "services", everyone wants to sit back and be served forgetting that every other person also came to be served. Believing that service makes you lowly they don't want to participate in anything that involves them expending themselves albeit necessarily and forgetting that services were rendered for each person to get where they are in life. They claim to do their part and leave the rest for someone else who is perhaps thinking the same. 

How can I serve myself - work for my own ends, devote my time of life to my personal consumption yet claim that I have done my part in the world? Who's gonna make the world a better place? Isn't this a form of hypocrisy? Without concern for the good of others, without interest in the state of humankind, how can one claim to be truly serving or even serving God? There are some living 'the good life', paying little or no thought to even those related to them. Everyone should pay for their own meal or not eat at all, right? Do you think your payment is enough for all the services you've enjoyed? No! And do you think you must be paid for all your services? No! Since life began, existence has been supported by parties bending to each other. If I don't bend, how will I carry you, and how will we climb higher? And I see some supercilious church workers who act well in church services but outside that are guilty of double lifestyles, saying something about theology and secularism, excuse me, can service to God be rendered only at your local assembly? We all need each other and the services we can offer. All motion is caused by devotion. 

Service is influence, living and touching lives that may be unaware of our giving, indelibly leaving a mark. Serving God is helping humanity, pursuing peace and working for good in others. It is much more than being pious and law abiding. It is invention and innovation. It is neither a sacred nor secular concept. It is the way to live.

No one can serve himself and make positive contributions to the society. He will either take the one and neglect the other or abide to one and ignore the other. Tell it to everyone you know; if your action is helping someone somewhere without necessarily doing you good, it is service. If you're serving reverently, you're serving God. Stay worthy. 

06/10/2016 

#UnChurched 

(c) 'durotimi

Independence day

NIGERIA AT 56 

So it's another independence holiday and almost everyone I know is doing something (writing articles, dropping singles and all), yeah, I'm surrounded by people like that. Others are just going along, joining arguments and discussing the trends in the nation. I'm about to join my voice to the song of the season, please oblige me. 

Nostalgic feelings consume my heart and show on my face. Nigeria, our Nigeria, how do I stay patriotic to you? I have answered your call to live in serve freedom, peace and unity, not eschewing service in love, strength and faith. Because I long for you with great passion, I pray for you great nation. 

We are all we have whatever may come of that. Still we keep believing in this nation and hope that the promise within her will unfold. Even if the desired change is elusive and unattained (yet), let us defend Nigeria, our land, our people, us. And pray the simple prayer we have always sung. 

God bless Nigeria. 

Dear Nigeria, I will yet boast of thee. 

"Oh God of heaven, direct our noble cause. Please guide our leaders and help our youths to know the truth. Help us all to grow in love and honesty, leading just and true lives. We shall attain great lofty heights and our nation will be built, peace and justice will reign. Amen. " 

01/10/2016

(c) 'durotimi