CALMLY WE WALK THIS APRIL'S DAY

An adaptation of Delmore Schwartz' poem of the same title

Calmly we walk through this April's day,
Metropolitan poetry here and there.
On the road walk pauper and renter,
The laughing children, the motorcycle
Fugitives about us, running away.
Between the worker and the millionaire
Number provides all distances.
The clock ticks endlessly
What will become of you and me
Besides the photo and the memory?
What am I now that I was then?
This is the school in which we learn,
That time is the fire in which we burn.
The great globe reels in the solar fire
Each minute bursts in the burning room.
What is the self amid this blaze?
Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn.

Written by 'durotimi
Delmore's version is worthy to be read.
Thank you for reading.

The truth is...

We all are broken people; we shouldn't hide from that fact. Acknowledgement is the first step in the journey to wholeness. If we must have health and deliverance from the cancers that ravage us, we must play our parts. Most of the things that happen to us we have no choice over but, we can determine the remainder; our reactions. The response to a matter affects the extent of its hold on us. Now I'm not saying that I have all the answers. I'm just saying...
Health and wholeness is not that far away but do you really want to get well?  Many have stayed so long in the victim zone that they don't want to leave!
Now, now, before I veer so far off course. Help is available - always available. There is definitely a way out of every situation no matter how ugly it is.
So you got born again but still have the desire to do some ungodly stuff. Getting saved might not remove those urges. Sometimes salvation changes everything in a man's life just like that *snap* but not always. You prayed to God to save you from the habits that threaten to destroy you but nothing happened. Wait up. God works miracles; the why and how remain unknown to us and his not answering does not mean he is mean or less powerful. Miracles, not magic. They require a bit of "work". Believing and taking steps are the minimum requirements. One person's faith may not be enough to birth a miracle so you gotta get help! Now this is where I'm going.
Sometimes the supernatural does not occur in the way we expect it to. Physical remedies could be the help needed to take care of these anomalies (as referenced in This is reality). Life issues are meant to be tackled head on but no one man can do it all alone. Take a step, get help. Whether spiritual or medical, and have faith that good will come out of your seeking help. You need it, you don't have to fight those demons by yourself. Get some help but before you venture, say a prayer and keep hope alive by affirming the best which you desire. Get help! Stop ignoring that issue, it won't die naturally.

Written by 'durotimi
Thank you for reading.

This is reality

Is this an illness? I see some signs; these symptoms are unacceptable. In a world where "normal" reigns, this anomaly cannot take place. But it is true to me, it is real! And though I try to hide this thing, reject, renounce, rebuke - it is just not leaving me! I'm trying to make things work, live right and keep my members in line, I really am. I'm working hard so all must be just. And it should be, but why?
This wanting, pining, cravings, these desires are unnatural. That's why they can't be. What will the world think of me?! I struggle to rise above the tide of discord in my members. I refuse to be that thing! And even though I'd be lying by pretending to be perfect, I'd rather be this than that! 
Who will I tell? I've prayed but, God has not removed it from me. I expect that he'll break in and save me from this curse, wave his hand and make it disappear, just take it away but he's not showing up!
Who can I talk to? Who will help me?
I can't talk to anyone about it. I can already see the condemnation in their eyes. I anticipate their shocked reactions and I know the words they'll say. I imagine the accusations that will be levelled against me. What's worse, no one can be trusted. Very soon the world will know what I've been hiding. No! I won't talk. I need to protect myself. I will never make this known to anyone.
But I don't want to be this, thing. I can't be un-normal, improper or whatever society can term it. I've tried to put it behind me but the siege is growing, the pressure is mounting; rising high. Those desires creep into my mind and invade my thoughts and before long, I'm moved to act before I remember in a jolt that I'm not supposed to be doing it. The realisation and shock keep me still and held back. But what will happen when they are no longer enough?
Oh what dismay! How will I be cured? Is there hope for me? Should I try to exorcise these demons or should I embrace them and let it all in, damning the consequence? I already feel guilty, should I just give up resistance? This is reality.

***********************************
The above lamentation is true to many people in the world today. You know them; some of them are fighting battles too great for their souls to bear alone and many are losing. Before you ostracise someone, before you abuse or judge or condemn, pause, and ask if you might be one of them. Chances are, your story is painted with some not-so-pretty pictures.

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.

Love

Love so rugged, calming storms, strangely being.
Love so hard, gently touching, hurting, bleeding.
Love so true, pure, liberating.
Love unfailing, standing sure – God!
Only one is capable, only one is love.
You love me, especial, differently,
You keep me coming back for more.
When I stray, you still stay
How deep is your love! How vast, how great!

There are times that I feel unloving towards those who are supposed to be my loved ones. It can’t be helped; sometimes I’m unlovable myself. But when it has lasted a moment, I am reminded that his love is not like that. He’s nothing like me and his love is not like mine or yours for that matter; sometimes active, sometimes not. Far beyond comprehension or thought is his love and always, ALL WAYS flowing.

Jesus is love. There is no greater love than He. And He loves me, you, the entire world. Love loves me. Love loves you.
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Jesus, thank you for loving us. Thank you that no matter what is going on in our lives, no matter what has happened in our history, no matter what others say about us, no matter how unloved we feel (or are) in this world, no matter who rejected or hurt us, we remain loved by you. Thank you because your love defines us and thank you because no one and nothing can take away your love from us. You are ever loving; help us to open our hearts to you, and to love others just as you love us. Help us to clear our minds of the tainted pictures of love we have believed and accept true love. Help us to love always in the way that matters not in the way that’s popular. Amen.

Written by 'durotimi
Thanks for reading.

Open heart

Oh yeah? 

Every time I reach out to others for want of emotional reassurance or affection, I do it afraid. I am scared for many reasons, top of which is rejection. Lack of trust, apprehension, apathy and some others make up the rest of the list. I am in need of affection but my fears hold me back, preventing me from giving and receiving it. And for this reason I do not take my friends for granted - because they can love me. Perhaps you can relate.

Letting yourself be loved is an act of terrifying vulnerability and surrender which many of us can't stand. Letting yourself be loved gives you over to someone’s mercy and leaves you trusting that they will keep loving you even though you may not have enough trust in their ability or may be unlovable at times. Letting yourself be loved leaves you hoping that they will love you rightly; the way you want to be loved and that they won’t break your given heart (as Ann Voskamp calls it). Letting yourself be loved breaks all the boundaries and barriers you set for your heart and scares the shit out of you so you do it afraid, or not at all.
Receiving love is a privilege and a great gift never to be taken for granted. If you can't step up to take it from others because of your inhibitions, you'll shortchange yourself. Learn to love others, learn to love yourself but much more than that, learn to let yourself be loved. Open up your heart.

Written by 'durotimi
Thank you for reading

About times and purpose

All the events; minor and major, that occurred in Joseph’s life were useful for another time and place. Like bricks they served as building blocks for his life and future and the resulting profile of him that we know. The same is true for David. Every turn of events ugly or beautiful had an other occurrence that was linked to it or depended on it or reminded of it. We know because we have a (complete) painting of their lives and what it looked like; past and future. There is a purpose.
When something is bound to occur we are only certain of that one thing. Most times we are not as clear about the other things that could happen and will happen or must happen for that one thing to occur. So when things veer off course, it looks and seems that the certainty has become uncertain or we take our eyes off the hope that it will occur. We get carried away by the forces of life’s curve balls that we despair or sometimes remain in bewilderment. We can’t understand the correlation between the here and there.
“Of what use is my life?” “How will I do this?” “What is the meaning and purpose of all this?”
We ask such questions, our supporters ask us questions and detractors have more than usual to say at times like these. And what is more, we begin to think that we can’t do it but we forget that ‘it’ getting done does not entirely depend on us. While our attitudes could affect its fulfilment, our actions or inactions may not. There is a reason for every season we go through, every event has a purpose. What will be will be, time happens to every man. All process is like clockwork; it never goes back. The pace may be slow but it will continue until it is done. Life unravels and unfolds with time. Stay aware of the usefulness of every thing that happens in your life. Stay aware of the timeliness and specification of your occurrences. Living (life) is a process and there is a purpose for every tick.

Written by 'durotimi
Thank you for reading. Please share with others.
Your comments or feedback are welcome.

Tomorrow?

An ode to a dead friend
Dedicated to all my friends that have died.
"You graced my life with your presence.
You touched my life and many others
with your hands and heart.
With your smile you loved,
with your words you sought.
You were a star, a burning ember.
And this space you left fills with tears."

The first time I experienced the death of someone close to me, I was 7; he was a kind old man who doubled as my grandpa though we were unrelated. I loved that dear man and up till the day that he died I never thought I would not see him again. That day I learnt about death and burial and everything the demise of a person means. It was too much for a seven year old but I took it all in and I understood it even though the adults did not think I did. Since then many other dear ones have died. Grandparents, friends, neighbours, cousins, close and not-so-close people. Each time the full import of their demise was real to me.
Now I'm not an overly expressive person but I learned early in life that nothing on earth lasts forever; no one lives forever and while they're here, I gotta appreciate them - those who matter in my life. And I learnt, early enough too, that everyone needs comfort, no matter how long ago a loved one left them. Also, based on the things that were said at each person's wake-keep or funeral or generally afterwards, I have learnt and I'm still learning that we all must be remembered for some reason whether good or bad. And what a waste of life if remembrance is rather forgotten.
We could all go at any time, and we can't have enough appreciation. So reach out and touch someone in a way that matters. Today, now for tomorrow may never be ours. Don't wait until you've had a near death experience or a death scare before you realise how transient life is. Now that you can, live and make an impact. Or what are we going to celebrate when you're gone? How many will feel your loss and for how long? Comfort someone who has felt loss, remind them that you care about them and the one they lost. Help them feel better. It's coming around.

To my friends and loved ones still alive.
Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for your touch, your warmth, your words, your smiles. Thank you for the times we've had together. Old friends, new friends, real friends, fake friends, all the ones that have colored my story on the canvas of life. I appreciate you and I am really grateful. I'm glad you're alive and well. I'm glad to have met you. May your hands be blessed and may joy fill your hearts. Thank you.
P. S. Don't wait until a special occasion to affirm your relationships. We just might not be here tomorrow. Say those words; they need them as much as you do.

Written by 'durotimi
For all who have been special to me.
Thanks for reading